It's been one of those weeks...it seems like everytime I think I'm moving on, I just get all emotional again. Or maybe I'm just getting a little crazy since I'm waiting for my test results to come back, and Logan and I are just a month away from trying to get pregnant again (and the craziness of life doesn't help...bills + Logan sick + other nonsense doesn't help). I definitely do want to get pregnant, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really nervous about it.
Last week I had a lady (who has only been knowing me for a couple weeks) ask me if I had kids. In order to avoid an awkward situation, I just told her no. But everything in me wanted to say, "Yes! I have a son!" Even though he's no longer with us, I know Logan and I will always be parents, whether we're able to have another baby or not. It's just frustrating sometimes not being able to share that with people. If there's one thing I've learned from all of this, it's that most people are extremely uncomfortable with talking to someone who's lost a loved one. A lot of people never even acknowledged that I lost Levi, even now, and there's even some people that avoid me altogether. It makes me sad. I completely understand not knowing what to say to someone in that kind of situation, but pretending nothing ever happened is not the solution. In a way, I feel like our loss was a blessing because now I know what to say (or not to say) to someone in a similar situation. Don't get me wrong - I'd give anything to have Levi back. But I also realize that not everyone is able to say that they have a child of their own. That's what I try to remember. I'm one of the lucky ones.
Since I know I don't ask you all enough (ha), I just want to request some more prayers. Logan and I could definitely use all we can get. Right now, I'm trying really hard to be thankful for all that we have, because it's entirely too easy to get caught up in what you don't have. Especially now, when it feels like we have so little.