I've been thinking a lot lately about how I wish I was better at accepting God's will. I know that He has His reasons for why certain things happen, and while I like to think that I'm moving on to whatever else God has planned without much complaining, I still find myself getting angry when it seems like other people have got things much easier (and especially when they don't realize how lucky they are!). It's stupid, really, especially when I think about how good I've had it in my life. I know many people (friends and family close to me) who've had pretty crappy things happen to them over and over, and the worst that has happened to me didn't come until 2 1/2 months ago, at 23 years old. Not too shabby, if you ask me. Yet, I feel like I'm being such a crybaby about it. "Let it be done to me according to your word" is a much easier prayer when your life is going the way you want it. The test comes when something bad happens and you have no other choice but to trust that God is going to make something of it - that's when you see how strong your faith really is. I know blessings come out of bad things (I'm seeing it even now), and while I do have faith in God's plan for Logan and me, I can't help but feel some hesitancy about it that I've never felt before. And, well, it's a little upsetting. I would have expected myself to handle things just a little bit better. One day (God-willing) I'm going to have a healthy baby and be really happy, and I'm going to feel bad for every negative thing I've thought or said. My goal now is to not let that happen. God asked Mother Teresa to leave her comfortable convent and live in the slums of Calcutta to help the poorest of the poor, and she did it - no questions asked, even though it meant that she leave almost everything behind. I pray for that kind of courage.
"Accept whatever He gives, and give whatever He takes with a big smile." - Mother Teresa
And just a little update on those darn test results...I finally found out what they are, but unfortunately I do not know what it means. I'll explain once I find out on Monday (hopefully!).