And my confessions continue….
Let me first just say that I do not intend to make anyone feel bad, as these are thoughts I sometimes have. The devil is just pestering me, that’s all. (Pray for me please.)
Sometimes it’s really hard to be happy for other people. I know several women who are pregnant right now, and even more who actually have kids. While I am certainly happy for them, half of me has all of these questions rolling through my mind: When is it going to be my turn? How can I be so happy for someone who has something I lost? Even though I am fully aware of the fact that some of these women may have actually lost a pregnancy (or more) and understand the pain involved with it, I still can’t help but think… but they got their happy ending. I don’t know if the same will happen to me. Chances are I will be able to successfully conceive and carry a baby to term, but it still doesn’t erase the possibility of me not being able to. If that makes any sense. It’s also like I know how ridiculous I may sound. For example – I know of women who’ve experienced pregnancy loss, but most of them already had children. Even though I know, without a doubt, that losing a baby is tough no matter how many children you already have, no matter how long you were pregnant, and no matter how the loss occurred. But still, I can’t help but think…but at least they already had a baby before. It’s stupid really, I know. And I’m trying not to think all of these things. Hopefully getting this off my chest will help.
And as always, your prayers are greatly appreciated.