"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Confession #2

And my confessions continue….
Let me first just say that I do not intend to make anyone feel bad, as these are thoughts I sometimes have. The devil is just pestering me, that’s all. (Pray for me please.)

Confession #2
Sometimes it’s really hard to be happy for other people. I know several women who are pregnant right now, and even more who actually have kids. While I am certainly happy for them, half of me has all of these questions rolling through my mind: When is it going to be my turn? How can I be so happy for someone who has something I lost? Even though I am fully aware of the fact that some of these women may have actually lost a pregnancy (or more) and understand the pain involved with it, I still can’t help but think… but they got their happy ending. I don’t know if the same will happen to me. Chances are I will be able to successfully conceive and carry a baby to term, but it still doesn’t erase the possibility of me not being able to. If that makes any sense. It’s also like I know how ridiculous I may sound. For example – I know of women who’ve experienced pregnancy loss, but most of them already had children. Even though I know, without a doubt, that losing a baby is tough no matter how many children you already have, no matter how long you were pregnant, and no matter how the loss occurred. But still, I can’t help but think…but at least they already had a baby before. It’s stupid really, I know. And I’m trying not to think all of these things. Hopefully getting this off my chest will help.

And as always, your prayers are greatly appreciated.

1 comment:

  1. You're right, the devil is working on you. I know it is easy for me (who has children) to tell you not to sweat it. But remember- not all happy endings are as they seem. Yours just may be a different happy ending. You have to let God dictate your happy ending and it is VERY easy to be mad at him. I was for a long time. You have to let it go and let HIM show you.
    You remember the tree? Prune and trim, trim and prune. It's ok to be mad and resentful sometimes...that is simply human nature. But it is those who can be pruned and trimmed into what HE wants that really get the happy ending.
    It will happen, whether it is the "normal" way or another means. And as I am sure you have heard too many times, you can't stress over it. He is going to take care of you no matter what...give it to Him, that is why he is there.
    Don't be upset with me, I say these things out of the utmost respect and love for you guys. Be patient, He has a plan for you. And when that plan is revealed, you will be at peace and have your true "happy ending."


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