"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Hi, I'm Melancholic

Logan and I have been trying to get pregnant for 7 months now. Considering it barely took 2 months to get pregnant the first time around, it's been a big lesson in patience and trusting in God's timing. I know 7 months is not very long, since many people try for years to conceive, but I think losing a baby before makes the waiting process seem that much longer. If that makes any sense. To be completely honest, Logan and I both had assumed I'd be pregnant again by now. And while it's a hard thing to grasp at times, especially in a world full of babies and pregnant women, we're doing okay, because we know we're exactly where God wants us to be.

Thanks to my lovely temperament, I have a tendency to freak out about things (I think it's appropriate to say that I "sweat the small stuff"). I worry a lot. I'm moody. I'm more pessimistic than optimistic, and I can be critical of myself and other people. And well, all of these things don't go very well when you're trying to get pregnant. I'd explain further, but since it's past my bedtime, I'll leave it up to your imagination. :) What I'm getting at is that I'm learning, every single day it seems, that I need to stop worrying so damn much, stop thinking about every possible scenario that could happen in the future, and start trusting that God will be with me every step of the way, no matter what happens. I know everything happens for a reason, and that God's timing is perfect, and [insert every faith-related cliche here], but my actions (i.e. worrying, being pessimistic) simply says otherwise. So, in an effort to "let go and let God" (sorry, last cliche, I promise), I am finally not obsessing over everything. In other words, I'm not keeping track of my cycles, I'm not taking my temperature every morning, and I'm just having a good ol' time with my husband, since that is what newlyweds are supposed to do. :) It all sounds rather simple, I know, but I'm stubborn - I mean, really...it took me 7 months! Don't get me wrong, I cannot WAIT to have babies and I would love for that to happen, like, tomorrow...but for now I'm at peace with my current situation. It's been over 10 months since I've been able to say that.

Please pray for me. :)

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. -Psalm 37:5

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