"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Another doctor appointment

My doctor's appointment with the the high-risk specialist was this afternoon (rescheduled from last week). She went over my previous labwork and ordered a crapload of more tests. Seriously, it was a lot - I think they took almost 20 tubes of blood. We should get the results in 2 weeks. Based on my previous lab results, the doctor explained that my blood is 5x thicker than other women. And when I'm pregnant, my blood is 100x thicker (yikes). You can imagine why that would increase my chance for blood clots. So, she told me to start taking baby aspirin daily. If some of my bloodwork done today comes back positive, she's going to start me on the blood thinner Lovenox (a nice little daily injection) before we try to get pregnant again. And if all of my bloodwork comes back negative by some chance, I'll probably still be on Lovenox, but it won't come until around week 9 of the pregnancy. She also said that negative results doesn't mean that I don't have anything - it just might be because they don't have a test for it yet, since they are constantly learning more each day. Regardless of the test results, I'll still see both my regular OB/GYN and the specialist, so they'll be monitoring me closely. The doctor also told me that I won't be able to go into spontaneous labor next time - we'll have to set a date for labor and delivery so I can stop taking my medicine beforehand. That's a little upsetting, because I'm all about having completely natural childbirth - no medicine or anything. But unfortunately, that won't be possible anymore. I know I have to do what I have to do so I can have a successful pregnancy, but it's still disappointing that it won't happen the way I always hoped. I'm also still nervous about getting pregnant again, because I don't know if I'll be paranoid the whole time about losing another baby. The specialist told me that there's a 60% chance that things will go well, but there's still that 40% chance that things could not go well. I don't like that statistic. One step at a time, I have to keep reminding myself.

Logan and I went on a retreat this past weekend for young adults, and while it wasn't the easiest, we definitely left feeling encouraged - resting in the fact that God does indeed have a plan for us.

"Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; See, I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Patience

I think we can all agree that "waiting" for things is probably one of the slowest forms of torture a person can go through.  Patience is a word associated with my life in every single thing I can think of...and I hate it. Who doesn't though, right?  Now I'm not gonna lie, most of my impatience comes from my dad...and I don't blame him, I blame genetics.  I can't stand a lot of things in life but I do my best to see what God is trying to tell me.  Therefore, I've come to realize that getting mad at things and people is just trowing away the opportunities God is placing before me.  I need to listen more.  When I got engaged to Jen in August 2008 (I just rounded up babe), that short time of less than a year until we got married seemed like an eteeerrrrrnity. Heck, I won't even begin to explain the amount of time it felt like just to lead up to that proposal...and how at one point in my life it didn't even seem like a possibility.  So, knowing my stand on waiting and being patient is my personal form of torture...and I don't even need to explain the recent events of what occurred two months ago.  Anyway, I know God ultimately has great things for Jen and I.  I know this because if I were to take out all the negatives in our lives and look at the positives because of our patience, it is truly remarkable.  With that being said, Jen and I can try again for another child at the end of Lent.  Ironically, the season of Lent is all about sacrifice and patience.  I have been assured by God this past weekend that He is with us and will amaze us with His love.  When Lent is over, Jen and I are going to "renew our wedding vows" at the same hotel where we first expressed our intimate love for one another.  But until then, all I can do is wait and be patient. 

Friday, February 12, 2010

Good week

This week was much better, although still busy. Thank you for the prayers. :) It certainly helped to start the week off right with that awesome game on Sunday. Who dat?! I totally have crushes on Drew Brees and Lance Moore, in case you were wondering.

I had my 6-week follow-up with my doctor on Wednesday. My mom went with me (love her) and we were welcomed by an empty waiting room, much to my relief. Sitting in a room full of babies and pregnant women isn't exactly easy at the moment (but don't feel bad if you have a baby or are pregnant - I don't hold it against you, promise). So, my doctor said my uterus and everything is back to normal, and he went over my previous lab work again and just discussed some possible causes to everything and what will happen next pregnancy, depending on what we find out from tests. He wants me to see the high-risk OB/GYN, and I actually have an appointment with her a week from today. My doctor said she's going to do the thrombophilia workup (that I mentioned a couple weeks ago) and also check the shape of my uterus. So, maybe we'll have more answers in a couple of weeks.

This week I was reminded of just how many blessings I have. Definitely a step in the right direction.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Craziness

Maybe I should take that back about how I have a good job...kidding, of course. But as life would have it, this was the craziest week yet. I thought Tuesday was nuts, and things just kind of went downhill from there. Starting next week, I have to work overtime, but I guess you can say that's the one good thing about all the drama this week, since I'll be getting paid for it (which will come in handy with all of the medical bills we are still getting...sigh). Next week is not looking to be better, thanks to the many events at school. Why did the Superbowl, Valentine's Day, and Mardi Gras have to be within 9 days of each other?

I have a prayer request. I seem to be going back and forth between being angry and just being a crybaby. Not sure if it's because of the craziness of this week, or if it's just...well, part of this whole process. But I'd appreciate any prayers.

Let me just vent for a minute:
I hate insurance.
I hate taxes.
I hate medical bills.
I hate how too many things remind me of Levi and the fact that I'm not pregnant anymore.

"We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full." –Marcel Proust

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Back to work

Well, I'm back into the swing of things. It actually went really well. Things were crazy because of one of my students, but that may have been a good thing...kept me occupied the whole day. The 2 schools I work at are right next to each other, and I'm constantly walking back and forth between the two. So, everyone at both schools always sees me (which is part of the reason I was rather nervous about going back - can't just hide in an office). However, everyone was really nice, and the fact that I saw practically everyone on the first day kind of broke the ice, if you know what I mean. I got many hugs throughout the day - from both kids and adults - and even more people telling me "glad to have you back" and "good to see you again". It definitely made things easier. Not only do I have a good job, I work with some great people.

Thank you for the comments, text messages, and especially the prayers!

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