"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Trust Issues

I'm not a very optimistic person. Perhaps at one time I was, and I certainly try to be as optimistic as possible, but heck - I'm a melancholic, and it doesn't come easy. It seems like lately I've been having more and more moments where I feel a bit overwhelmed by everything in life, and whether it's due to hormones or my moodiness or just God trying to show me something, I have to say that I could be handling things better (again, maybe it's just the perfectionism talking).

I'm realizing that I have some serious trust issues. Sadly enough, most of those trust issues have to do with God. While I certainly believe that everything happens for a reason, lately I've been wondering what the heck God is doing. Everything I feel called to do just doesn't seem to be working out at the moment. The desire to be a mother - to my own children or foster children - is increasing every day, and while I know it's all in God's timing, I'm feeling very restless. I'm starting to feel discontent with my job and coaching soccer and everything else I used to enjoy. All I want to do in life is be a wife and mother, but I feel like I'm being a terrible wife right now, and I don't know when God is going to put children in my life.

It all comes down to trusting that God is working through this time in my life, when it seems like nothing is producing any fruit.

"Trust in the Lord and do good that you may dwell in the land and live secure. Find your delight in the Lord who will give you your heart’s desire." -Psalm 37:3-4

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