"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

So very melancholic

I apologize in advance for anything I'm about to say that might offend you. And I'm also sorry if I appear to be completely and utterly CRAZY. Just be thankful Logan is the one, and not you, who has to put up with me on a daily basis. ;)

Oh, and if you're a guy, you might not want to read this. Or at least this next part. Just saying.

I started my period a few days ago. It pretty much ruins my day whenever that happens, because that means several things:

1) I'm still not pregnant.

2) My hormones are running wild and I cry at the drop of a hat.

3) Painful cramps make me want to lie in bed and cry all day.

When I was in college, I had a friend who used to love when her period came because it was a reminder of the fact that she was a women and would someday be able to have children. As much as I would like to have that mindset, I don't. It just seems pretty wrong to me to want to have children and not have much success after so long. And on top of that, throw debilitating cramps into the mix. Just not cool.

While I'm on the subject on not having much success, I can't help but think that Logan and I are going to reach the 1-year mark of trying to get pregnant (we started at the beginning of last April). That sucks. Then I think about the possibility of it being another year - or longer, yikes - before I'm pregnant, and it makes me want to cry. Then I think about how some people try for several years to get pregnant. And then I also think about how I wish I could be completely content in my non-pregnant state, and although some days I am, it's not the case the majority of the time. I don't know if I'll ever get to that point.

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain and stop thinking.

I feel like I need to say this next thing, because I might lose it in front of someone one day. Whenever the subject of me still not being pregnant comes up, people say things like, "Oh, it'll come." "Stop worrying about it and then it'll happen." "You're stressing over it too much." "All in God's time." "You're young; you have time."

Let me take a deep breath before I start because it's very easy to go off on a tangent.

I know people say those things with good intentions, and I appreciate the effort, but sometimes it's better not saying anything at all. Just a simple "I'll say a prayer for you" is perfect. Because really, there's nothing anyone can say that will make things easier (especially those things mentioned earlier), but knowing that people are praying for you can be more comforting than you'd think.

If by some chance you've said one of those statements to me, don't even worry about it. But please, I don't want to hear it again. :)

I just have to say that Lent came at a perfect time.
Yet even now, says the LORD, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God. For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment. - Joel 2:12-13

3 comments:

  1. i always think about and pray for you guys :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love you and Logan so much! I'm so thankful for your friendship! And i'm praying for you every day :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love you and Logan so much! I'm so thankful for your friendship! And i'm praying for you every day :)

    ReplyDelete

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