"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, April 28, 2011

"Welcome to the agency"

Yesterday I said we had big news (and again, I'm not pregnant). And although things have changed...sigh...I'm still going to explain what the heck went on. So you can still pray for us.

Last night, I get a phone call from a home development worker - but not our assigned one, since, you know, she's not here this week. The very nice lady said she was calling about a placement (as in, placement of a child in our home). I said, "Wait...I thought they were supposed to call us first to tell us we're certified." She says, "This is it! As of 5 minutes ago, you're certified."

Um, wow. Okay? Here we were, thinking we had at least another week to wait since our home development worker wasn't there. Not so. Apparently, they hurried up and certified us (had to email us that last form to sign) so we could take a kid (or two). And who do you think they asked us to take? Twins.

Now, I don't think I've mentioned this before, but Logan has been very adamant from day one that he wants ONE KID AT A TIME. And he didn't like the idea of twins, especially when you add to the mix that we're babysitting my nephew all weekend. Two 4-year olds and an almost-3-year old? All boys? Haha. Right.

As crazy as it sounds, we agreed to take the twins. And I still can't believe how at peace I was about it. I can truthfully say that I was more excited than stressed. Initially, we were supposed to get the boys last night. But one of the workers called me back and said it wouldn't be until today. She also laughed and said, "Welcome to the agency!" So I'm thinking that changes happen quite often in this whole foster care process. It was a bit of a relief, because today I was able to call daycares and find openings, as well as figure out sleeping arrangements and all of that. I was told to call the office if I hadn't heard anything by 2pm, so that's what I did. The lady seemed very surprised that I hadn't heard anything else, so she told me she'd look into it and call me back.

You can imagine my anticipation. The lady called me back about half an hour later, saying they were still trying to find out more about the situation. She told me that we might not get the boys until tomorrow - or even next week, depending on the situation. That was slightly disappointing, because it's very hard to just sit around and wait....we had already been doing that for 20 hours. It's a pretty crazy feeling to know that your life could drastically change at any moment but you aren't sure exactly when and what it's going to be like.

An hour later, I get another phone call. I was informed that the twins were no longer coming into care, which meant they weren't going to be placed in our home afterall.

I'm not going to lie - I cried. And I feel stupid for even admitting that, because I should be sighing with relief - I mean, really, TWINS? - but it's crazy how attached you can get to someone you haven't even met. Heck, I didn't know much about them other than that they were 4-year old boys. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt eerily similar to losing a baby in a pregnancy (although on a much lower scale).

Logan pointed out to me that it's going to be even harder once we actually have a kid in our home. I can't imagine what it's going to be like to have to return them to their biological family. Sigh.

We don't do very well with all of these roller coaster emotions. I do have to say, that although I had my hour (or two, ahem) of crying, I'm realizing - with the help of my wonderful family and friends - that God has different ideas for us. I just wish He wouldn't throw so many curve balls...

"Nothing is essential, real, or of any value unless ordained by God who arranges all things and makes them useful to the soul." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

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