"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Monday, June 13, 2011

Take a ride through my mind

This could be our last few days with this foster baby, and while last week I was pretty upset about it, I have to say that I'm actually okay right now. I'm not sure why, because I love the little guy and would still love to keep him. I guess God is blessing me with some extra graces. Praise Him for that! Now whether or not I'll still be okay once the baby leaves, welllll....we'll see.

I wrote this next part last week when my emotions were crazy (um, writing helps me vent?), so while I'm currently not struggling with these things as much - thank you Jesus - they're still on my mind. It's basically all the other factors that make giving back this baby more difficult.

1. We lost Levi and are finally recovering, a year and a half later, and we don't want to experience that again. Giving a foster baby back is a completely different situation, of course, but it's still losing a baby we deeply care about.

2. I'm still not pregnant. The desire to have a baby has grown stronger over the last year and half, but that desire jumped into hyper-drive once we got this foster baby.

3. Since I don't work during the summer, my time has been spent taking care of this baby (and don't forget Marley!). It's kept me pretty busy, and I'm afraid that sitting in our house all day by myself (well, with the crazy puppy) will make me nuts. But then...

4. There's a good chance that we'll get a call for another placement not long after we give the baby back. I don't know how we'll feel about fostering again, since my emotions are kind of crazy already and the baby hasn't even left yet. But for some reason I just really feel called to this crazy foster care thing. And it's just way too early into this thing to call it quits.

5. As much as I want to pursue my infertility - because HECK I WANT TO BE PREGNANT - I am OH so very nervous. I pretty much lost my mind last time, and all I did was take Clomid. But I know I'm not ovulating regularly, so something has to be done. And the summer is the perfect time...I think...

And there you go. My crazy thoughts.

Psalm 138:8 - The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

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