"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Follow through is a beast

This is the day where I seriously am reconsidering this whole fostering thing. I asked Logan earlier, "Why exactly are we doing this again?" And his smart aleck response was, "Because you wanted to!" In my defense, it was more because I felt like we were supposed to be foster parents than me actually wanting to, but I guess it doesn't really matter in the big picture.

Today was by far the most difficult day we've had with Peanut. And that's saying something, considering he bites, kicks, hits, and bangs his head on the wall. It was like he totally woke up on the wrong side of the bed...twice, because taking a 2-hour nap didn't seem to help AT ALL.

Today his new thing is to fling himself on the ground, and throw his head back - hitting it on the hard floor. On purpose. What the heck are we supposed to do with that? He's been getting upset over the smallest things, and we just don't understand it. Things just don't make sense today. We were supposed to go to a birthday party around lunchtime, but Peanut wasn't listening and even hit and pinched me - for the first time ever. So, after saying we weren't going to go unless he behaved, we decided to follow through with that and not go. Even though Logan and I were really looking forward to the party. Sigh.

We went to mass today, and you can pretty much imagine how that went. All of the older ladies tell Peanut how he's sweet and cute and everything, but like Logan and I told each other afterwards, they didn't see him roll underneath the pew just to get away from Logan's grasp. Yes. He literally rolled under the pew in front of us because he knew he was misbehaving and wanted to get away.

It could be a coincidence, but yesterday he was supposed to have one of his supervised visits. Unfortunately, a certain family member didn't show up. Of course the social worker didn't find out until Peanut was on his way, so the poor little guy is probably really confused. And he's probably mad at me because I was the one who told him he was visiting his family.

Sometimes Logan and I want to knock some sense into certain people.

I think one of the hardest things to deal with as foster parents is how you're the ones dealing with behaviors that wouldn't be a problem if previous caregivers had just dished out a little discipline. Because we know how sweet this kid can be. Logan and I are hoping this is just a typical relapse. If it isn't, well....I don't even want to think about it.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples,
'Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,
take up his cross, and follow me.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world
and forfeit his life?
Or what can one give in exchange for his life?
For the Son of Man will come with his angels in his Father's glory,
and then he will repay all according to his conduct.'"
-Matthew 16:24-27

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