"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Herein lies the dilemma

Some days I really think Peanut is getting better and can see the potential in him to be a great kid. And then other days he is so defiant and his behavior is UNBELIEVABLE where I can't help but think this is hopeless.

But like his teacher reminds me, it's not his fault. Certain adults in his life did some terrible things and did not properly care for him, and that makes me very, very angry. Children are blessings, and they deserve the best that we can give them.

I have to bring up the whole adoption thing again, because it's been weighing on me lately. The last 2 months have been some of the most difficult in my life - which is saying something, considering what I went through with losing Levi. And to think about committing my ENTIRE LIFE to this child that has made life so difficult is just really hard to imagine.

But then I think about Peanut and how he really needs a stable environment with discipline, family, and friends. And if we give up on him now, there's a good possibility he will go from foster home to foster home until he's 18 years old.

I can't live my life knowing that we gave up on a kid just to make our lives easier.

But I also can't live my life on the verge of losing it every. single. day.

Am I making sense? I hope. I also hope that somehow his mom miraculously gets her act together and can care for her son. But I really don't think that's going to happen.

Philippians 2:2-3 - "Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but also for those of others."

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