"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The final week

Peanut will be gone by Friday. And as much as that thought makes me sigh of relief, I'm also worried. It's one thing to say you can't handle a foster child anymore, and it's another thing to actually have to give him to someone else.

In just 3 months (can you believe it's been that long???), Peanut became part of a family - with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I'm not sure how his life was before he came to us, but I can say with confidence that he's been surrounded with loving people during the time he's been here. Thankfully, Logan and I are blessed with family and friends that support us in this crazy fostering thing.

Since we know Peanut is leaving at some point this week, we've started to talk to him about it. The first time we said anything, he immediately started talking about going back to "Nana's" house (yeah, remember her?). And then when we told him he was going to a different house and not Nana's, Peanut started pouting and said, "I want to stay with youuuu."

Oh dear. Another thing that worries me is how my nephew is going to handle it. Peanut and Max have become best friends, and the fact that they're the same age makes the situation completely different than when Bamm Bamm left and Max asked about "the baby".

I know I shouldn't stress myself about all of the details, but I can't help it. Like I've thought before, I never really saw Logan and myself with Peanut forever, but I could never see us giving him back either. Even though I know we're doing what is best, it's still hard. This kid calls me Mommy, and in a few days he won't be here. And chances are we won't know how he's doing or what kind of situation he's in. That's probably the hardest part - not knowing anything. We were fortunate with Bamm Bamm.

One thing is for sure - we'll be praying for Peanut for the rest of our lives.

"God wills that our desire should be exercised in prayer, that we may be able to receive what He is prepared to give." -Saint Augustine

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