I'm sure you all think I sound crazy by now - one day I'm talking about how Peanut's behavior is TERRIBLE and the next day I'm convincing myself that things aren't as bad as they used to be.
Well, here I go again.
For reasons unbeknownst to us, Peanut has been rather difficult for the last few days. I seriously did not know a 3-year old was capable of this amount of anger and emotional instability. And for those of you who do not believe me, come live with us for a day. You'll see. (Although maybe not to the extent that Logan and I have the pleasure of witnessing, because Peanut always seems to be a tad bit better when other people are around.)
Today at daycare, he did pretty much everything - bit a child, hit his head on the wall, threw furniture everywhere, and even tried to strangle a child. Things didn't get much better when I brought him home. I literally - and I mean LITERALLY - took almost everything out of his room because he had that much rage. He was throwing things and knocking things over - the rocking chair and bookshelf are only 2 examples - and he was at the point where he doesn't respond to any type of discpline. (As foster parents we are not allowed to use corporal punishment, and that probably would have been the only effective discipline. Sucks for us.) Thankfully Logan got home 10 minutes later and took over. He's been having a lot more patience than me lately.
Logan and I have decided that whenever we get a hold of Peanut's worker - I called her earlier but no answer - we will request IMMEDIATE help (psychological, emotional, SOMETHING)....or we are done. As in, we're requesting them to remove Peanut from our home.
When we got into this whole foster care thing, I told myself we would never give up on a child. Never. But I really, really can't do this anymore. Peanut has way too many issues, and I don't feel like we're getting any help from the agency. This weekend Logan and I had his parents babysit Peanut while we went to a party for a couple of hours (even though children were welcome), and we both realized how much happier we were not having him around. We also had a conversation about how neither one of us feels much of a connection with Peanut the majority of the time. So basically the past 2 1/2 months have felt like a 24-7 babysitting job. Not cool, my friends. Not cool.
I do have to say that my heart is torn about Peanut leaving us because I know he does like us. But I'm praying that if he does leave, that there will be an even better foster home out there for him. Right now I don't think it's us.
Prayers for us, especially Peanut, are greatly appreciated. We still never heard anything back about Peanut going back to his previous caregivers, so we're assuming it's not going to happen. Not that it really matters right now, anyway.
Blessed Mother, pray for us.