"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, December 4, 2011

My brain needs an off/on switch

64 hours until my next doctor appointment. Logan thinks having a countdown will make time go by more quickly. I'm not so sure it works like that...

I have to say that the first two days of bed rest are the worst. There are still several moments where I feel like I'm going crazy, but trying to keep busy is helpful. I think I'll be catching up on some reading.

It is very hard not to think too far in the future. Will I make it to the cerclage? Will the cerclage work? Is this whole bed rest thing going to last longer than another week or two? HOW IS THIS ALL GOING TO END?

Oh, how I would love to turn off my brain sometimes.

It's depressing to be in the season of Advent, my favorite, and not able to go to mass. I nearly lost it this morning because I was trying to watch mass online, and it wouldn't work. SO FRUSTRATING.

All things considering, I guess you could say I'm doing alright. God gives us the grace we need, when we need it.

Romans 8:25- But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

2 comments:

  1. So as I was reading this, I couldn't help but think about how awesome it is that you're pregnant during Advent. And how fitting it is to walk with Mary, to be able to share your pregnancy & all things that come with that, with her.. as we remember how she waited for Christ's coming. How I'm sure she wondered "how is this all going to end?" as well.

    I'll end my rant now, but just thought that was beautiful.

    You have my prayers.

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  2. Jen, I just want to say I am SO proud of you!  Keep it up!  You are a rock star and I am just so so so proud of you...even if you feel like you're falling apart.  I love you and am thinking of you often!

    ...Since you mentioned your frustration regarding mass, I'll leave a little humor with you about my experience this weekend... 98.9% of the time, I go to mass on Saturdays here.  This weekend, Alex convinced me to go Sunday morning so that we could watch the game together on Saturday afternoon.  For some reason, I didn't check the bulletin to verify the time and just assumed it started at 11 am.  (I suppose this is because Sunday mass back home and in NC both started at 11, but whatev.)  Anyway, when I arrived at church, I noticed the parking lot was strangely full - of cars, not people.  Given the terrible weather outside, I justified the oddity by telling myself that everyone decided to arrive early as a weather precaution for traveling.  Speed walking toward the church, at this point, I crossed my fingers that I wasn't confused about the time, and thus late, to mass.  Yeah well, I walked in and the priest was two sentences away from finishing his homily.  Too embarrassed to walk in and distract everyone, I stood in the entry way, reciting the prayers, and kneeling from there...all the while debating about whether to leave or walk in (and when), and whether I could justify taking communion, etc.  Given the awful weather that I knew was still on its way, I decided to continue my mass participation and hoped I'd find the right time to sneak in and join the congregation.  At one point, a guy walked outside to check his phone - the perfect opportunity for me to sneak in and stand with the congregation right before the second kneeling part at communion.  ...Needless to say, I felt like a complete failure when it was all said and done. 

    Go ahead, chuckle.  ;)

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