"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Friday, December 30, 2011

Our little saint in heaven

I'm pleased to report that Logan and I survived on Thursday. Logan was extra paranoid that something was going to happen with this pregnancy, and I did have my tearful moment when looking at Levi's pictures and ultrasounds, but overall, it was a good day. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers.

I'm realizing that it'll always be a bittersweet day, because as much as we wish Levi were here with us, we know he's in heaven - which is just so much better. I thought being pregnant this year would make things easier, but it really didn't. We are beyond thankful to still have this baby with us, but it doesn't change the fact that we didn't get to see our first baby grow up. And it scares the heck out of me to think that we might not get to see this second baby grow up either. I know things are looking much better this time around, and I'm grateful...but anybody who has lost a baby will tell you that the possibility of losing another is always on their mind. Maybe that will change once we have a successful pregnancy...but what won't change is how much we miss our son.

It'll never cease to amaze me how much I miss a baby that I carried for just 5 months. I'm already in love with this baby too, and it's only been 3 months. I don't know what we're going to do when we get to hold a healthy baby in our arms. It makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it.

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