"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, April 28, 2011

"Welcome to the agency"

Yesterday I said we had big news (and again, I'm not pregnant). And although things have changed...sigh...I'm still going to explain what the heck went on. So you can still pray for us.

Last night, I get a phone call from a home development worker - but not our assigned one, since, you know, she's not here this week. The very nice lady said she was calling about a placement (as in, placement of a child in our home). I said, "Wait...I thought they were supposed to call us first to tell us we're certified." She says, "This is it! As of 5 minutes ago, you're certified."

Um, wow. Okay? Here we were, thinking we had at least another week to wait since our home development worker wasn't there. Not so. Apparently, they hurried up and certified us (had to email us that last form to sign) so we could take a kid (or two). And who do you think they asked us to take? Twins.

Now, I don't think I've mentioned this before, but Logan has been very adamant from day one that he wants ONE KID AT A TIME. And he didn't like the idea of twins, especially when you add to the mix that we're babysitting my nephew all weekend. Two 4-year olds and an almost-3-year old? All boys? Haha. Right.

As crazy as it sounds, we agreed to take the twins. And I still can't believe how at peace I was about it. I can truthfully say that I was more excited than stressed. Initially, we were supposed to get the boys last night. But one of the workers called me back and said it wouldn't be until today. She also laughed and said, "Welcome to the agency!" So I'm thinking that changes happen quite often in this whole foster care process. It was a bit of a relief, because today I was able to call daycares and find openings, as well as figure out sleeping arrangements and all of that. I was told to call the office if I hadn't heard anything by 2pm, so that's what I did. The lady seemed very surprised that I hadn't heard anything else, so she told me she'd look into it and call me back.

You can imagine my anticipation. The lady called me back about half an hour later, saying they were still trying to find out more about the situation. She told me that we might not get the boys until tomorrow - or even next week, depending on the situation. That was slightly disappointing, because it's very hard to just sit around and wait....we had already been doing that for 20 hours. It's a pretty crazy feeling to know that your life could drastically change at any moment but you aren't sure exactly when and what it's going to be like.

An hour later, I get another phone call. I was informed that the twins were no longer coming into care, which meant they weren't going to be placed in our home afterall.

I'm not going to lie - I cried. And I feel stupid for even admitting that, because I should be sighing with relief - I mean, really, TWINS? - but it's crazy how attached you can get to someone you haven't even met. Heck, I didn't know much about them other than that they were 4-year old boys. As much as I hate to admit it, it felt eerily similar to losing a baby in a pregnancy (although on a much lower scale).

Logan pointed out to me that it's going to be even harder once we actually have a kid in our home. I can't imagine what it's going to be like to have to return them to their biological family. Sigh.

We don't do very well with all of these roller coaster emotions. I do have to say, that although I had my hour (or two, ahem) of crying, I'm realizing - with the help of my wonderful family and friends - that God has different ideas for us. I just wish He wouldn't throw so many curve balls...

"Nothing is essential, real, or of any value unless ordained by God who arranges all things and makes them useful to the soul." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

National Infertility Awareness Week

I just found out that it's National Infertility Awareness Week. April is also National Infertility Month. How appropriate, as this month Logan and I could be considered infertile - we've been trying to conceive for over a year now. I came across this article on Catholics and infertility, and I have to share it because I agree with A LOT of it.

So, go read it. :)

Tomorrow is the feast day of St. Gianna Molla, which is actually pretty cool considering all of the infertility awareness stuff. I just love her.

 I feel like I need to say more about infertility and our experience. Maybe one day. (All that's coming to mind right now is: IT SUCKS. Ha.) Seriously, though. I'll pray about it.

Speaking of prayer, you should pray for Logan and me. We got big news! (No, I'm not pregnant. Just saying.) We'll post an update soon.

St. Gianna Molla, pray for us!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Divine Providence

When I talked to our home development worker last week, she said she'd fax us one last form for us to fill out. I still haven't received the fax yet, so I called her today to see what was up. The office informed me that she was out all week. So, we have some more waiting to do. Part of me wants to get frustrated at how much longer this is taking than we thought last month, but then I realize that I'm still trying to do things my way instead of letting God do things His way, in His timing. It's a hard thing to grasp sometimes. I'm really trying to just sit back and wait things out, because when I think about it, it'd be much more convenient to first get a foster child during the summer when I'm not working. Maybe that's the reason God wants us to wait, and maybe it's not. Either way, it's becoming quite clear that I still need to work on trusting God and Divine Providence.

I read the book Abandonment to Divine Providence last fall - which was exactly what I needed to read at the time - and I'm thinking a little re-reading wouldn't be such a bad idea...(I totally recommend reading it, by the way)

"Give to God what belongs to Him, and remain lovingly passive in his hands. Hold for certain that what takes place either exteriorly or interiorly is best for you." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Foster care, fertility, and free time

Soccer is OVER. For now, anyways. :) I'm looking forward to my free time, though. Or should I say clean-the-house time?

Our home development worker called me yesterday. It's been a few weeks since we've talked, so I didn't know what to expect. She said our application is still in the final processing stages, and she thinks it's taking so long because a bunch of applications were submitted at once. The only other thing she said was that Logan and I have to fill out one more form. Other than that, it looks like we're still playing the waiting game. And we thought things were rolling along quickly...ha...

This next part is about fertility, so be forewarned (as in, I'm going to talk about my period and such). Feel free to stop reading. ;)

I guess it's been about 3 months since I decided to stop taking Clomid. And not stressing over all that fertility stuff was definitely what both Logan and I needed. This past weekend, though, I started spotting, and I thought I was about to start my period. It still hasn't started though, and the spotting stopped. I know sometimes spotting can be normal, but I also know that sometimes it isn't, so I decided to call my doctor. I took a pregnancy test first, just to rule it out (good thing too, because that was the first thing he asked - "Are you pregnant?") - it was negative. My doctor - who I love, by the way - just thinks I'm not ovulating, so he prescribed progesterone to kick-start my period. He also said we can try Clomid again if I want, and do the ultrasound and all of that. I told him I'd think about it, because last time was just too much, and it's been nice not having to go through all of that. But then again, if I'm not ovulating, Clomid is obviously what I need to do. So, if you could pray that I could be okay with all of this fertility stuff, I'd really appreciate it. :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Soccer is consuming my life. I love it anyway.

I'm being convinced more and more that God's timing is so much better than ours (I mean, I already knew that, but it's like I'm really really realizing it as time goes on). I say this because Logan and I always seem to be so darn busy, and when I think about throwing kids into the mix, I wonder what the heck we would do. But of course, if that did happen, I know God would help us through it. And, once kids do come into the picture, there's a good chance that we won't be doing a lot of the same things we do now.

I thought last weekend was busy, and then I realized that I have 5 soccer games this weekend. Yes, five. I coach 3 games and play in 2 games. Throw in a crawfish boil and mass and Bunco (oh yes, I am totally playing Bunco this weekend, even though I have no idea how to play) and it'll be a crazy weekend. But at least next week is only a 3-day work week. Yayyy for Easter holidays!

I should be cleaning my house right now. But I figured that since I have to leave in 15 minutes to play a soccer game, I should just waste it on a pointless blog entry. Yep.

Actually, to make this not a pointless entry, this morning I was thinking about my sister-in-law and how she's pregnant with her 2nd baby (yay!), and how cute Max is, so I was wondering how cute this next baby will be. Because I just don't know if it's possible to be any cuter than him. And then I randomly thought about Levi, and how he was cute even though he was only 5 months gestation, and I started to wonder what he would have looked like now if he were still with us. And then I got sad and cried because he's not with us. But then I thought about how he's with Jesus, and that's just so much better. I still miss him, though.

If it makes you feel better, this whole thought process happened on my way to work, and once I got there I was totally fine. Sometimes I just can't help but think about my baby.
Lamentations 3:25 - The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Our Weekend

Logan and I had a pretty fun weekend, and since we kind of went camera-happy, here are the highlights!
Thursday night, we went to a fundraiser dinner. We got to catch up with quite a few friends. Super fun. What made it even better was that I took off work the next day, so I totally didn't mind staying out past my bedtime. :)
Friday, we visited my brother and sister-in-law. Max and Marley are best buds, as you can see (they're playing tug-o-war with a stuffed snake). Although half the night Max chased Marley around, saying, "Give me my snake back!" Funny stuff.
Saturday, Logan and I babysat for Max. I think the funniest moment of the night was when Max was digging through my purse and got a hold of my phone, saying, "Look! I have a phone!" So, Logan decides to call my phone, to see what Max what do. My ringtone was some slow song, and when it started ringing, Max exclaimed, "It's singing! Let's dance." The little cutie then jumped off the loveseat and proceeded to do some cheesy dance move. He is seriously the cutest almost-3-year-old ever.
Today, we spent a few hours at the Strawberry Festival. I have never seen so many strawberries before in my entire life. We also saw some people who were in our foster care classes. They said their home development worker has been a bit slow with their certification process, so they're still doing home visits and whatnot. I'm so glad we're done with ours.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention how my girls' soccer team had 2 games yesterday. Or maybe I kind of forgot on purpose because we lost both of them. And I made enemies with the referee. Eh. Not one of my finer moments.

Since it kind of feels like we're playing a waiting game with the things I usually write about (and since we're taking a break from our house projects), you'll have to endure through some randomness for now. We'll try to keep things interesting. :)

Monday, April 4, 2011

I'm happy. Seriously.

Since I know I've had at least one or two (or more, yikes) melancholic posts in the last couple of months, I just wanted to inform everybody that the past couple of weeks have been rather wonderful. And I mean that. Although we're wondering why the heck our home development worker hasn't called us yet, I've actually been able to rest in the fact that obviously God wants us to wait a little longer for any foster children. And even though I have no idea what's going on with my reproductive system, I'm also at peace with the fact that God will bless us with a biological child when He thinks it's time. God must have thought I needed a break after the past few months, because I don't remember the last time I've felt this content for this long - it was definitely before we lost Levi. Praise God for His grace and gift of peace. I certainly needed it. :)

"Do not be troubled if you do not immediately receive from God what you ask him; for he desires to do something even greater for you, while you cling to him in prayer." – Evagrius Ponticus


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