"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The attachment factor

Over the last few weeks, I've had several people tell me - upon finding out that we have a foster baby - that they wouldn't be able to do it. Their reason? They'd get too attached to the baby (or child).

It's a good reason. I mean, why would anyone willingly subject themselves to the possibility of falling in love with a child, who isn't yours, just to have to give them back?

This thought has crossed my mind a million times - before we even got this adorable baby. Heck, one of Logan's main concerns about becoming foster parents in the first place was that he didn't want to get too attached to any kids that we might not keep. We know how hard it is to lose a baby, and it's certainly not on our list of things we want to experience again.

So here we are. We've fallen in love with this baby, and it hasn't even been a month. We'd adopt him in a heartbeat, if it came to that. But unfortunately, we don't know what will happen. I think about the possibility of fostering him for a year or two, and then suddenly we have to send him back home. That scares the crap out of me, considering how attached we are after just a few weeks. I've been praying that God puts this baby in the best home possible, whether it's ours or not, and while I'd like to think that the best home is ours, it's not my call. I feel like we should be prepared in the event that he leaves us one day, but then I think about how that's kind of limiting ourselves. I don't know want to hold anything back because we might not keep him forever. Because if we do end up keeping him, I don't want to look back and regret not giving this baby all the love he deserves.

When you think about it, we don't know who is going to be in our lives forever. I don't mean to sound depressing or anything, but seriously...all of these crazy tornadoes lately have made it quite obvious that you could lose your loved ones at any moment. And that gives us all the more reason to cherish the time you have with each other.

Even though we might not have this baby forever, we're going to enjoy him while we have him. God brought him into our life, and no matter what happens, God is faithful and will see us through it.

I'll leave you with some lyrics to a song by Relient K. It pretty much sums up what I'm trying to say.

"I'll give, give, give
Until there's nothing else
Give my all
Until it all runs out
Give, give
And I'll have no regrets
I'll give until there's nothing left"
-Relient K, "Give Until There's Nothing Left"

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The green-eyed dog

Marley doesn't really have green eyes. But man, she's a jealous one. She's been doing one of two things ever since we got the baby - getting up in my face so I'll pet her or chew up everything in sight (including diapers!) so I'll pay attention to her. As you can see above, I can't even fold the dang towels without the dog begging for attention. So, so sad. Logan and I take turns loving on her (one has baby, other has dog), but it doesn't seem to be enough. I can't imagine what it'd be like having 2 children! But hopefully we'll find out one day. ;)

Since I've rejected every nickname for the baby that Logan has come up with (um, Lashes and Panda just don't roll with me), I'm forced to keep calling the baby "the baby." Sorry. Speaking of the baby, though, this kid has been moving a lot more lately, and we're thinking he's going to be crawling any day now. Oh. My. Goodness.

Marley is totally chewing on the infant carseat as we speak. Lovely.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Oh yes...the foster care system

I mentioned before that part of this "roller coaster ride" is dealing with everything that goes along with the foster care system. There's a very high turnover rate when it comes to foster parents, and I can definitely see why. When the baby's worker dropped him off to us that first day, she went over some paperwork, gave us as much information as she could (as in, the little she knew at the time), gave us her phone number, and then she was gone. It's kind of like a baby was just thrown into our laps. As if that wasn't overwhelming enough, there are so many different appointments, people, and organizations to keep up with - all dealing with one baby. We're supposed to stay in contact with our baby's case worker, and we have, but I almost feel like I'm bugging her too much. But then maybe I'm just overly sensitive or something.

Some foster parents have 6 foster children (that's the limit), and I seriously don't know how they do it. Each child has their own case worker, plus whatever organizations/agencies are assigned to the child's case. Then you've got to think about how some children have specific medical or psychological needs. I know biological parents have to deal with some of the same things, but foster parents almost have an extra "job" just communicating with all of the foster care workers and everything else related to the system. The first week, I spent entirely too much time on the phone because people kept telling me I needed to call someone else, and then that person told me to call another person, and so forth. Talk about frustrating. But that's when I called it quits and just called the baby's case worker to take care of it. :)

All things considering, we've had a pretty good experience so far. Sure, there have been frustrations, both with the parenting and with the foster care system, but I think Logan and I can honestly say at this point that we're glad we're doing this. Hopefully that won't change any time soon!

Ephesians 2:10 - For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

FINALLY

This is a big deal, folks. The baby slept ALL NIGHT. And then after being up for an hour, he fell back asleep for a nap, therefore allowing me to get ready for the day. YESSS. It only took 2 weeks!

Logan and I are refreshed and ready to take on the week. :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Another one? Pshhh

Today I received yet another phone call about a placement. This is how the conversation went...

Worker: "I'm calling about a placement."

Me: "Uhhh, we already have one..."

Worker: laughing, "Yes, this is about another one."

After telling me the situation - a 4-year old boy - I said, "I have to ask my husband, but I have a feeling it's going to be a big NO since we have a baby right now. I'll ask anyway and call you back..."

Yeah, I was right. Big fat no. But thankfully I have a husband with common sense who knows we are not ready to have another child in this house. I just feel like we're supposed to help.

I know, I know. I'm crazy.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sleep? What's that?

Since the baby is keeping us busy and sleep-deprived, I've decided to hold off on taking Clomid right now. It's just really bad timing, since I'm still working -  Logan and I have already had to take time off work to bring the baby to different appointments and whatnot. So, hopefully I can manage it during the summer when I'm off work.

We've had a lot of people give us baby things, like toys and clothes, for which we are very grateful. The baby's case worker did bring a lot of necessities when she dropped him off, and the state does give us a monthly allotment, but we've already had to buy a lot of things. So to those of you who have been oh so very generous, we thank you. :)

All things considering, our first week with a baby has gone rather well. We've had to adjust rather quickly, and our poor Marley is still adjusting to not being the center of attention anymore (who knew puppies could get so jealous??), but I know that overall, things could have gone much worse. Now if only the baby would sleep throughout the night, life would be wonderful...

I don't want to have to refer to the baby as "the baby", but since we can't post his name or pictures online, we'll have to think of a nickname. Suggestions are more than welcome. :)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I'm a mommy. Let's leave it at that.

This week got so busy that I didn't even get to write about last Sunday, May 1st, being Levi's due date. Surprisingly, I had a very good day, and I have to admit that it's doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Better than last year for sure. :)

I've been dreading Mother's Day for about a month or so now...even more than Levi's due date. I think it's because I've accepted the fact that Levi is no longer with us, but it's still hard to accept that we haven't been able to get pregnant again. God really spared me though, considering I can officially say I'm a foster mom as of last week. It's strange to celebrate Mother's Day more for being a foster mom instead of a biological mom, if that makes any sense. But when it comes down to it, being a mother is more than just blood relation. This past week has certainly taught me that.

In a way, it's been a bittersweet Mother's Day. I don't get to celebrate it with a biological child, but I do get to celebrate it with a very happy foster baby.

Blessed Mother of God, pray for us!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I love roller coasters...usually

I just can't believe how much this whole foster care thing has felt like a roller coaster ride. We knew it'd be hard, but the ups and downs are just crazy! From almost getting twins to getting a little baby in just a span of 4-5 days, and then having to adjust to everything that goes along with caring for a baby, and having to deal with everything that goes along with the foster care system (I'll save that for another day)....well, it's exhausting. And even though there have been times that both Logan and I have regretted ever agreeing to do this, we know that in the end it'll be worth it. It's already been rewarding to take care of such a good baby. As much as we love the little guy already, I hate not knowing how long we're going to keep him. It's pretty scary, because I'm getting more attached every day, despite trying to build this barrier between us. I keep reminding myself that he'll be in our care for as long as God sees fit and that our job is to just love on him as much as possible. It's hard, though, having lost our own baby and not knowing if we'll "lose" this foster baby too.

For those of you who haven't met him yet, this baby is so stinkin' cute. I mean seriously. He just gets all kind of attention everywhere we go!  That precious smile makes waking up in the middle of the night to feed him much easier. I would love to post pictures but we're really not supposed to...so maybe you should just come visit! (I would love to take a nap. Just saying.)

I just have to say that reading what I wrote about Divine Providence really makes me laugh. In a good way. :)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Update!

There's a million things I could say right now, but since the last 30 hours or so have been a bit crazy, I'll have to keep it short.

Yesterday, Logan got a call around lunch time for a placement. And this time, it actually happened! When we both got off work, a foster care worker met us at our house with a baby boy who is almost 5 months old. He is such a sweet baby. :) Everything has gone pretty well so far, but it's still pretty overwhelming. Our lives are suddenly filled with diapers and formula and everything else baby.

I'm trying not to get too attached to this little cutie. But I've decided that no matter how hard I try, it's still going to be difficult to give them back. Sigh.

Pray for us. We need it. :)

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