"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Visiting "Bamm Bamm"

We've decided...."the baby" will now be referred to as Bamm Bamm, as in the Flintstones character. Got it? :) (My vote was for Happy Gilmore but Logan is the boss. Sigh.) 

Sometimes we would jokingly refer to the baby as Bamm Bamm because he would take a toy and hit it against whatever was in his way (i.e. the table, the floor, our faces, etc.). Just to give you a reason for our craziness. :)

Bamm Bamm's family invited us over this weekend to eat and visit with Bamm Bamm himself. We accepted the invitation, because 1) we wanted to see that cute baby again, 2) I'm sure it takes a lot of guts to invite over the complete strangers who watched your baby, and we respect and appreciate that, and 3) we actually had a few free hours on the weekend, which is very rare these days (between Logan filming weddings and me playing soccer, for those of you who care what we do with our weekends).

So, how did the visit go? When Logan and I first walked in the door, Bamm Bamm was sitting in his walker. He looked up, saw us and totally freaked out (in a good way). And then he smiled in his oh so cute baby way. It was adorable. (And I was secretly going, Yes! He remembers us!) Logan and I took turns playing with him, they fed us, and then I held Bamm Bamm until he fell asleep. Man, I miss that boy.

Although the whole thing was slightly awkward, since we don't really know his family all that well, I am glad we went. Because not only was it worth it to see Bamm Bamm again, we also got to see that he is getting taken care of. Not in the same way we would take care of him, but I'm learning to be okay with that.

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." – Jim Elliot

Saturday, June 25, 2011

House Pictures - Baby Room

After taking a little hiatus from working on the house, we decided to take advantage of not having any children in our house right now. We dubbed our second guest room "the baby room" even before we got "the baby", because hopefully one day we will use it for our own baby. But in the meantime, it's been rather useful for my nephew when he visits and for any foster children. This room is right next to our bedroom - both rooms are upstairs and out of sight from visitors, which is why we weren't in any rush to work on them.

Here's how the room looked when we bought the house:

I don't have any "in-between" pictures, so here's how the room looks now! The furniture has been in here, but in the last 24 hours, we've painted, hung pictures, and rearranged everything.



I just have to say how the crib was given to us for free, and we bought the bedding and everything (came with a matching blanket, hamper, and diaper holder - look in the first picture) for super cheap at a garage sale. All I had to buy new was a mattress, and I actually set everything up a few days before we got that infamous phone call about a placement. God really does work things out!

Logan is mean. Just saying. ;)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Almost but not quite

I was babysitting a 2-year old and a 9-month old when I got "one of those" phone calls. Yeah, you know. For a placement.

Timing is everything, right?

Well, since the placement was about 2 siblings, and it is has been decided that we only want one at a time, I had to tell the worker no (it is OH so very hard to do that). But we did agree to take one child if they couldn't find anybody to take both. She never called me back, so I'm assuming they found some really nice people that agreed to take both children. God bless them.

I'm actually surprised that it's taken this long to get another phone call. Too bad we don't know when the next one will come...

John 15: 4a, 5b - Remain in me, as I remain in you.Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Livin' on the edge

Since Logan and I had a pretty busy weekend, today was my first day to really feel the effects of not having to take care of a 6-month old baby anymore. It is WEIRD. Because God is awesome and my family and friends are big prayer warriors, I'm actually content right now. Which is awesome. I'm trying to looking at the bright side of everything...like how I can sleep solidly until 7am without hearing any crying, and how I can make a quick trip to the store like it's nothing (because compared to lugging around a baby and a diaper bag, it is nothing!). Plus, I finally made it to daily mass again. That was the best part of my day. :)

Oh, and my kitchen is totally cleaner than it has been in a very long time. Yay.

It's a bit nerve-wracking, I have to say, not knowing when we'll get a call about another placement. It could be tomorrow, could be next week. Who knows. So, in the meantime, I'm taking advantage of my free time to organize our house and perhaps tackle the upstairs bedrooms - like paint and whatnot. We'll see how that goes. Because I know that whenever I start a big project, we'll get another foster child. That's how life works.

I'm also a bit nervous as to what child we may have in our home next. Let's face it - Logan and I lucked out BIG time getting such a sweet and cute baby for our first placement. Seriously. I'm trying not to think about the possibility of getting a toddler with behavior issues or something. Yikes.

But, at least I know God won't give us anything more than we can handle.

Psalm 33: 22 - May your kindness, Lord, be upon us; we have put our hope in you.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Where's the baby?

Yesterday, I spent some time with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew (Max) - we went to mass and visited with some friends. On the way home, Max surprised us by asking, "Where's the baby?"

My sister-in-law and I look at each other, like oh no. Lindsey decided to make sure Max was referring to "the baby", since he had just been playing with other children.

Lindsey: Do you mean Baby Daniel?

Max: No....

Lindsey: What baby?

Max: Nanny's baby. Where is he?

Lindsey and I just looked at each other. How in the world do you explain it to a 3-year old? So, I just told him that the baby went home. And surprisingly, Max didn't say anything else about it. It's just funny how he waited until the ride home to ask about the baby. I guess seeing other children at our friends' house made him realize that "Nanny's baby" wasn't around.

This has been on my mind for awhile now, but Max's questioning just adds fuel to the fire. I can't help but think how Logan and I aren't the only ones that have to worry about getting attached to whatever foster child we may be caring for. It's one thing for just the two of us to deal with the emotional aspect of it, but it's another thing for our family and friends to have to deal with it too. I kind of feel guilty that it's not just Logan and me that is being affected by our decision to be foster parents. And I just really don't know what to do about it.

Psalm 143:10 - Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Let your good spirit lead me on a level path.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Not what we expected

All week I have actually been okay knowing we could be without the baby by the weekend, and I couldn't figure out why I was so calm about it. Well, I know the power of God's grace and everything, but it was still weird.

The baby did go home today. We brought him to the agency's office where the family was going to pick him up. On the way there, I called to let them know we were coming (so they could let the family know), and the agency worker told me that the family wanted us to stay until they got there - they wanted to talk to us. Although I thought it was a bit strange, we agreed to wait for them.

When Logan and I got to the office, one of the workers (okay, so apparently we have really bad luck with our assigned workers being available, so it was someone else) told us how the baby's family was really appreciative of us for taking such good care of their baby. We were pleasantly surprised, because when we met them before it didn't seem that way. There's a lot to say for assumptions, that's for sure.

The worker also asked if we had other kids in our home before, and when we said no, she asked how we were doing. I think we said something like "Okay for now." (And that was the only moment where I almost cried. You should be proud.) The worker looked at us sincerely and said, "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help."

I just had to include that because there have been a lot of foster parents that feel like the agency "doesn't care" about them and doesn't always make things easier. But so far, Logan and I have had a really good experience - other than the bad luck with certain workers being available.

Anyways.

When the baby's family finally got there, the first thing they did was ask us if we wanted to be the baby's godparents. Can you believe it? They reiterated what the worker told us about being appreciative of what we've done and that they want us to visit and keep in touch.

So, it looks like we'll be seeing the cute baby again (I guess we really should decide on a nickname now). God is just too good sometimes.

Logan and I have already packed up the massive amount of baby things we managed to accumulate over the past month and a half (it's just easier that way), and I have to say, it's weird. But knowing we'll still see the cutie again makes it much easier.

Exodus 14:14 - The Lord himself will fight for you; you have only to keep still.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Take a ride through my mind

This could be our last few days with this foster baby, and while last week I was pretty upset about it, I have to say that I'm actually okay right now. I'm not sure why, because I love the little guy and would still love to keep him. I guess God is blessing me with some extra graces. Praise Him for that! Now whether or not I'll still be okay once the baby leaves, welllll....we'll see.

I wrote this next part last week when my emotions were crazy (um, writing helps me vent?), so while I'm currently not struggling with these things as much - thank you Jesus - they're still on my mind. It's basically all the other factors that make giving back this baby more difficult.

1. We lost Levi and are finally recovering, a year and a half later, and we don't want to experience that again. Giving a foster baby back is a completely different situation, of course, but it's still losing a baby we deeply care about.

2. I'm still not pregnant. The desire to have a baby has grown stronger over the last year and half, but that desire jumped into hyper-drive once we got this foster baby.

3. Since I don't work during the summer, my time has been spent taking care of this baby (and don't forget Marley!). It's kept me pretty busy, and I'm afraid that sitting in our house all day by myself (well, with the crazy puppy) will make me nuts. But then...

4. There's a good chance that we'll get a call for another placement not long after we give the baby back. I don't know how we'll feel about fostering again, since my emotions are kind of crazy already and the baby hasn't even left yet. But for some reason I just really feel called to this crazy foster care thing. And it's just way too early into this thing to call it quits.

5. As much as I want to pursue my infertility - because HECK I WANT TO BE PREGNANT - I am OH so very nervous. I pretty much lost my mind last time, and all I did was take Clomid. But I know I'm not ovulating regularly, so something has to be done. And the summer is the perfect time...I think...

And there you go. My crazy thoughts.

Psalm 138:8 - The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

It's how my life works

It always works out that as soon as I write about something, the complete opposite happens. Or close to it. So maybe I should just let Logan do all the writing from here on out.

Ha, yeah. Like that would happen. (In his defense, he has been rather busy lately. I get that.)

A couple days ago, I said how it was hard not knowing how long we'll keep the baby and that it keeps seeming like the situation goes back and forth. Well. Yesterday, his case manager informed me that there's a good chance that he will be going back to his family next week. It's not definite, but it's the way things are looking now. So I was told to have his stuff packed just in case.

I considered not writing about this because I don't want to sound depressing for the next week or so and then by some chance the baby stay. But for some reason it feels like I'm supposed to write about certain things. Sigh.

As you all can expect, just thinking about giving back this adorable baby made me cry. A lot. And it still does. My initial reaction was to kind of repress my feelings, I guess, and pretend that I wasn't attached to him. But seriously. No one on this earth can hold this baby and not fall in love. He is THAT cute. So, after realizing that repression was not going to work, I have now started to love on the little guy even more. Will it make it more difficult to give him back? Maybe. But I'll deal with that when the time comes.

I can't help but wonder if we're cut out for this - falling in love with children and then having to give them up. I'll save that for another day, though.

Please pray for us.

Psalm 136:26 - O give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Crawfish, shopping, and waterslides

Yep, that was my weekend - crawfish, shopping, and waterslides. Be jealous.

I've been having so much fun lately that I haven't had time to blog. Well, really just the weekend was fun. Last week was pretty stressful and busy and I just don't want to think about it. But of course all of the stressful stuff produces good blog posts. At least I'd like to think so.

I don't know if I'm making sense right now. I blame the dentist who numbed me up earlier. I still can't smile properly.

Okay. Now for the actual blog post.

I think it's pretty obvious that being foster parents has its ups and downs. And that there's more involved then you would think. Well, let me tell you. I had no idea. There was a conference thingy about the baby that we went to, and his case manager was there, as well as his family and a couple of attorneys. It was awkward and hard and oh my gosh I don't know where to begin.

Meeting the baby's family was more difficult than I imagined. It's quite clear that we have different ideas about parenting, which I figured would be the case. But what I wasn't expecting was to feel like I was being slapped in the face with reality. The reality that this baby is not ours, and he might not ever be, and that what Logan and I are doing isn't always appreciated.

One of the hardest things is not knowing how long we'll have him.One week it seems like it isn't very likely that we'll keep him, and the next week it still seems like a possibility that he'll stay. It's driving me nuts. But I keep thinking that our job stays the same no matter what - provide a loving and safe home. Temporary or not.

Psalm 128:1-2 - Happy is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways. You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be happy, and it shall go well with you.

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