"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Fertility update (kind of)

This won't seem like a fertility update. But it's the closest I'm going to get...

I think I've only mentioned it briefly once or twice, but at the end of July I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed. Recovery was a bit difficult, since all of my teeth were impacted, and I have a small mouth. I even have a lovely scar on the corner of my mouth where the dentist accidentally cut me during the surgery due to me having a small mouth.

A couple weeks after getting my wisdom teeth out, I was still having trouble eating, and I was still in pain. The left side of my mouth was still swollen, so whenever I ate, I was chewing the inside of my cheek. Lovely, I know. So I made an appointment with my dentist, and he said to stop chewing. (Stop chewing? Seriously?) I was on a lovely soft/liquid diet for even longer (which I mentioned during this lovely post). The swelling got slightly better, but my mouth still hurt. The following week, my mouth started bleeding a lot in the middle of the night, so I made an appointment with my dentist again. Because seriously, my mouth looked BAD. Red, swollen, and just plain disgusting. And I still couldn't eat.

One look at my mouth and my dentist immediately said that he had to remove what he initially thought was extra tissue in the inside of my left cheek. So they numbed me up right then and there, and as he started the procedure, my dentist realized the large mass in my cheek was a hematoma. Apparently it had formed slowly after my surgery. He removed it, and the entire office thought it was the most interesting thing ever - like hey, this girl just got this huge blood clot removed from her mouth, come look! My dentist even looked at me and said, "You know what? I've been practicing for a long time, and I have never seen this before." His partner agreed.

So, the reason I'm even writing about this is because my dentist made a comment about clotting issues, and I explained how I was pregnant before and lost the baby, and they thought it was a clotting problem at first. So he told me to mention it to my doctor.

The following week I called my doctor. He told me he was going to call the high-risk OB/GYN I saw way back when, and then he'd get back to me. We talked about me seeing a hematologist, but first he wanted to talk to the high-risk doctor.

Well. It's been at least a couple weeks, and I still haven't heard from my doctor. I know I could just call him back, but then I realized I won't have time to do any tests or blood work right now anyways. The whole wisdom teeth craziness made me leave work early several times already, plus I asked off for a few days for a family trip later on.

It's frustrating...because if I really do have some bleeding issue or something - that could be affecting my fertility - I want to address it. But LIFE IS TOO CRAZY. I might just have to wait until Thanksgiving or something.

So there you go. An update on my fertility (or lack thereof).

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Herein lies the dilemma

Some days I really think Peanut is getting better and can see the potential in him to be a great kid. And then other days he is so defiant and his behavior is UNBELIEVABLE where I can't help but think this is hopeless.

But like his teacher reminds me, it's not his fault. Certain adults in his life did some terrible things and did not properly care for him, and that makes me very, very angry. Children are blessings, and they deserve the best that we can give them.

I have to bring up the whole adoption thing again, because it's been weighing on me lately. The last 2 months have been some of the most difficult in my life - which is saying something, considering what I went through with losing Levi. And to think about committing my ENTIRE LIFE to this child that has made life so difficult is just really hard to imagine.

But then I think about Peanut and how he really needs a stable environment with discipline, family, and friends. And if we give up on him now, there's a good possibility he will go from foster home to foster home until he's 18 years old.

I can't live my life knowing that we gave up on a kid just to make our lives easier.

But I also can't live my life on the verge of losing it every. single. day.

Am I making sense? I hope. I also hope that somehow his mom miraculously gets her act together and can care for her son. But I really don't think that's going to happen.

Philippians 2:2-3 - "Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but also for those of others."

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

God bless daycare workers

I think I'm writing this post for myself, because it will serve as a much-needed reminder. Everyday.

Logan and I are very, very thankful that Peanut is going to a daycare that has been working along with us to improve his behavior. Before he came to us, Peanut was kicked out of his previous daycare. And I'm fairly certain that 99% of daycares would have kicked him out already - but fortunately we picked one of the few that is hanging in there. [The director used to be a foster parent. Now how perfect is that??]

Many days I end up talking to the director and/or Peanut's teacher for a good 10 minutes when I pick him up in the afternoons. Today I was talking to both of them, and his teacher brought up a few points that will hopefully help me stop and think before I blow my brains out. Some of it are things I've thought about before, but somehow hearing someone else say it made it much clearer...

Peanut has spent the last (and only) 3 years of life doing whatever the heck he wants, whenever he wants. And in the last several weeks, we've basically told him that everything he's used to doing is wrong. Can you imagine? Spending your life thinking you're running the show, and then BAM. You have two foster parents who choose to discipline you, and suddenly you're not in charge. I guess we can't blame the little guy for being overwhelmed. I really, really need to remember that when Peanut gets upset over the littlest things. Which happens all.the.time. But like his teacher pointed out, we're pretty much re-programming his brain. That's a lot for a 3-year old to handle.

Peanut is obviously trying to hold on to some sense of control. I'm totally fine with him throwing his toys all around. And he can cry his eyes out as far as I'm concerned. But the whole banging his head on the wall or on the ground...not so much. It's getting worse, so we're definitely going to address it.

And I just have to say that God showered his wonderful graces upon me this evening, and I didn't raise my voice once. It's a miracle. Things spiraled downhill as they usually do (Logan got off work late so I was by myself), but I managed to stay calm and be consistent. Amen and Alleluia.

Praise God.

"Patience, prayer, and silence - these are what give strength to the soul." -St. Faustina

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Let the good times roll

I'd have to say that Thursday was my all-time low point...if that wasn't completely obvious. I'm trying to have a more positive outlook about everything, but I just can't help but think how dang defiant Peanut can be - and it drives me nuts. People have been asking about the possibility of Peanut becoming available for adoption, and I reallllly don't want to think about that. But for those of you wondering - yes, it is very likely that he will come up for adoption. And yes, they usually expect foster parents to go ahead and adopt a kid they've been fostering. But at this point, I honestly don't know what we would do. We don't want to ship him off somewhere else, so to speak, but I also do not want to lose my sanity. Because I'm coming really, really close to losing it.

For those of you wondering about the most recent "fun" going on at our house, we caught a large mouse in our attic on Friday. Oh, the excitement keeps coming.

I'm saving the best for last - yesterday was Marley's 1st birthday. She was cute when we first got her, and she's still cute now! I love my baby.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

My patience is wearing out

I would love to say that Logan and I finally got around to watching the rest of the 1-2-3 Magic DVD and that things are going beautifully. Welllll. We went on a weekend trip, then I got sick, then Peanut had major hives, and you can just see it's been another one of those fun weeks. So no. We did not watch the rest of the video. Sigh.

It's hard to say exactly how things are going with the whole discipline thing, because some days are great while others are awful. Like today. Logan left to get a haircut, and things always seem to spiral downhill when I'm by myself. I don't know if it's because I'm a female or what, but Peanut just DOES NOT LISTEN to me. Seriously. He doesn't stay in time-out, he tries to hit me, and he laughs at me.

I'm having to fight every temptation to call his worker and tell her I'm done. Maybe it's just because I was sick earlier this week and I'm still recovering and I'm just plain exhausted, but whichever way you look at it, I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.

Prayers are appreciated.

"I see that the will of God has not yet been fulfilled in me, and that is why I must live, for I know that if I fulfill everything the Lord has planned for me in this world, He will not leave me in exile any longer, for heaven is my home. But before we go to our Homeland, we must fulfill the will of God on earth; that is, trials and struggles must run their full course in us." -St. Faustina

Thursday, September 8, 2011

1-2-3 Magic

Life is a bit crazy this week, so I have to keep this short. But I just wanted to say that the whole discipline thing is getting better. Thanks to one of my wonderful aunts, Logan and I have been watching a discipline video called 1-2-3 Magic: Managing Difficult Behavior in Children 2-12. We haven't gotten a chance to watch the entire thing yet, but we have started to implement the whole "1-2-3" concept. And seriously, we're seeing a big difference in Peanut. Praise God. Logan and I already feel less stressed about everything.

The next part of the video is on the types of testing and manipulation, which will be oh so very useful, I'm sure. Because Peanut can be quite the manipulator. He's young, but he's smart. Too smart, sometimes.

Hopefully we'll keep seeing improvement. Because really, if we have more days like this, this whole fostering thing will be the death of me.

Here's to a better weekend than the last one! ;)

Blessed Mother of God, pray for us! (And happy birthday!)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I am DONE with poop

You know, I really wasn't envisioning having to pick up puke and poop throughout the holiday weekend. Yes. It's been a relaxing few days. NOT.

Peanut was complaining of his stomach hurting Friday evening, but after going to the potty a few times, I thought he was just constipated. We put him to bed, and a couple hours later, Peanut started crying. A lot. We found him in bed with puke EVERYWHERE. He threw up again yesterday morning, poor thing, but I think he's okay today. Hopefully.

Last night during the LSU game, Peanut was playing in his room. Logan went to check on him, and found baby powder all over. Our extra diapers and baby supplies are stored in one of Peanut's closets, and he discovered them. Obviously. We picked up the baby powder, thinking it was good enough, but about an hour ago we went upstairs and found baby lotion all over the walls and Desitin on Peanut's bedsheets. Needless to say, our baby supplies are now where Peanut can't get to them.

You think I'm done with the craziness? Nope.

Thanks to Tropical Storm Lee and the constant rain, we're having to let Marley outside with a big umbrella. It appears that she doesn't like to poop in the rain (who can blame her?), because we've found poop in the house twice. Or maybe Peanut's shenanigans are just scaring the crap right out of her.

And if that isn't enough (are you ready for the finale?), this morning Peanut actually played quietly in his room instead of waking us up at 6am. I woke up at 8, surprised that Peanut hadn't bothered us yet, and Logan commented, "Maybe it's a miracle day." Because Marley also had not gone bonkers in her kennel yet, which usually happens at 6am. Well. I brought Peanut to use the potty, and I noticed his underwear was on backwards - that usually happens when he uses the bathroom by himself, which is only when he wakes up before us. I asked him if he already used the potty, and he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Yeah. I made poo on the rug."

This is where I'm thinking to myself, there's no way this kid took a crap on the carpet. I called out to Logan to go check in his room, while I helped Peanut wash his hands. The look on Logan's face said it all. Waiting on the carpet in Peanut's room was a big ol' pile of...that's right. Poop.

This weekend has been a load of crap. Literally.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Cry me a river

Peanut is getting better when it comes to biting himself and all of that nonsense. I think we've only had one time this week where it was an issue (hmm, maybe twice...). But like I mentioned Wednesday, he's been getting really upset lately.

This morning Logan and I were hugging each other in the kitchen. Peanut walks in, sees us hugging, and then runs into the other room crying and calling my name. We found him on the ground crying. Then a few minutes later, Logan was showing me something on his phone, so we were right next to each other. Peanut walks in the room, sees us, and then runs off crying again. He was saying "Mommy" over and over, and he hid behind a chair.

I know I've said this before, and I'll probably say it plenty more, but...what the heck are we supposed to do with that?? Peanut either (a) thinks Logan is going to steal me away from him, (b) wants my undivided attention, or (c) something else entirely (sorry, I can't think of anything else at the moment, but feel free to enlighten me with your ideas :) ).

Peanut is doing more and more of this - seeing Logan and me together, and then running off crying. We've tried talking to him about it, but some things are hard for a 2-going-on-3-year old to express/understand. This evening the same thing happened, and I told Peanut that I love him and that I love Daddy Logan (we're trying to get him to say Daddy instead of Mr.). So hopefully by reassuring him that I love them both will comfort him. It's worth a try, at least.

I guess we should be thankful that we're seeing some improvement in his behavior. Peanut still isn't listening all that well (but I guess toddlers in general are bad at that?), but at least the aggressiveness is not as frequent. Whew.

Have a good (and long) weekend! :)

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