"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, January 29, 2012

What to say or not to say...that is the question

After we lost Levi, we had people do some pretty amazing things for us (bring us food, send cards and flowers) and say comforting words. Unfortunately, however, we also had a lot of people do and say some not-so-nice things, and although I’m sure most – if not all – of them were unintentional, some of that still bothers me…over 2 years later.

I do realize that death is a touchy subject, and many people don’t know how to act around someone who has lost a loved one. Heck, I didn’t go to my first funeral until I was 22 years old (such a blessing, I know), so for most of my life, I was pretty clueless about what to say or not to say. It probably wasn’t until we lost Levi that I realized how insensitive people could be, whether they meant it or not.

Yesterday I read a blog post about what you should and shouldn’t say to someone who has lost a baby, and I think everybody on the face of the earth should read it. So here it is!

But I would also  like to mention (as does this blog author) that everyone grieves differently, which is totally true, because there were times that women who have lost babies told me things that upset me. So that just goes to show that in their mind, those words would have been comforting, but in my mind, it didn’t help at all. And I guess that’s why death can be so complicated.

I’m going to attempt (key word is attempt) to write another post this week about the best things that people did and said for us after losing Levi, as well as the things that hurt the most. And I’m not trying to make anybody feel bad – I just really think it’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you haven’t been there.

Oh, and in the meantime, you should check out Kimberly Hahn's Life-Giving Love and read chapter 10. That chapter is called "Miscarriage and Stillbirth," and I seriously think it's one of the best things you could read if you know someone who has experienced that recently, or you yourself have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth. I was deeply comforted by Kimberly's writing, and I remember thinking how I wanted to let everybody else read that chapter. The cool thing is that Life-Giving Love was given to us by a family when they found out we lost Levi, and Kimberly Hahn even signed it and wrote us a little note. I actually wrote about it way back when.

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