"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The good and the bad - Part 1

So, I said I would write about the good things people did/said when we lost Levi, as well as the things that reallllly could have been left unsaid. I don't want to start on a bad note - nor end on one - so I'll start with some good things, talk about the not-so-good stuff, and then end on some more good stuff. Sound good? :) Oh, and so this isn't too long of a post, I had to split it into two parts.

We were pretty overwhelmed by all of the people who sent flowers and cards to us - it really showed us how many people were thinking of us. And I also have to say that I still have all of the cards people gave us in Levi's box - which has everything given to us at the hospital, including the outfit they put his body in. So we will have those cards forever!

Another thing that was greatly appreciated was the food people brought. The night I was discharged from the hospital, we had 2 families bring food over - and let me tell you, food was the last thing on my mind, so it was really nice not to have to think about what to fix for dinner (although I was really blessed with that, anyway, because my parents stayed at our house for a few days afterwards).

There was one thing that people said that was intended to comfort me, but it really just made me mad. They would tell me that I was going to have another baby soon. And to that I wanted to say, Really? How do you know that? Did God tell you or something? (Sorry, sarcasm is a fault of mine...). It just really bothered me that people would just assume that I'd have another baby (and soon, at that), because we just don't know how things are going to work out. Plus, I lost the only son I had at the time, and right after, I wasn't thinking about having another one right away - I was still missing the one I lost (not to mention completely terrified about going through the same thing again!). Even as time passed, people continued to tell me that we would have a baby soon....but of course we didn't get pregnant until we had been trying for a year and a half.

Some people also told me that losing babies is common (as if that were going to make me feel better!), and although I know that's true, everybody's experience is different. Just because it's "common" doesn't make it less painful.

Now to end on a good point - I really appreciated when people just listened to me. It's hard to express yourself after losing a baby, but I'm blessed with some very special people in my life who knew when I needed to talk. And sometimes talking about it - without having the other person try to give you false hope - can make all the difference in the world.

I'll post Part 2 this weekend!

I just have to say that I don't hold it against anybody who has said or done any of the "bad" things. My sole purpose of this post is to give people insight from a person who has lost a precious baby. It can be a very sensitive topic and I feel obligated to share my thoughts with others! Thanks for being understanding :)

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