"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Saturday, February 4, 2012

The good and the bad - Part 2

If you haven't read it already, here's part one.

One thing that really made me feel better (even to this day) was when people called Levi by name. Logan and I consider him a part of our family, even though he's not here with us, so having other people acknowledge that he lived for a brief time is definitely comforting.

I know I mentioned in part one a couple things that people said that weren't exactly comforting. But sometimes it's not always what people say that hurts - it's what they don't say. There were certain people in my life that didn't tell me anything once they found out about Levi. And that hurt. Although I do realize many people don't know what to say in that situation, ignoring the situation can make it worse. All you really need to say is something simple, like "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I'm praying for you." Heck, you can even say, "I don't know what to say." Because even that is better than not saying anything.

I remember we were at a big gathering one night (church event, I guess you could say), and I was really nervous because I knew I would see people I hadn't seen since losing Levi. And unfortunately, there were a couple people who didn't come talk to us like they normally did. On the flip side, though, one friend came up to me, gave me a little hug, and told me he was praying for me. He didn't say anything about what happened - but he didn't need to. We both knew what he was talking about without having to go into details, and what he did say was all I needed to hear. Prayer is the best gift.

The last not-so-good thing I'll talk about happened rather often. Like I said before, losing babies is more common than you would think, so many women have experienced it. That being said, I had people tell me that they knew what I was going through. And I don't mean to sound rude when I say this, but...nobody knew what I was going through. Only Logan knows the extent of that awful night at the hospital, because he was there, but even he doesn't know what went on in my heart (except from what he read in my journal). I know a lot of people can relate when it comes to losing a baby, but there are so many other factors - too many to mention. So let's just leave it at this: everybody grieves differently. So saying "I know how you feel" can be frustrating to the person you're talking to.

This last "good" thing goes along with the first paragraph...it really is comforting when people remembered Levi's due date and the anniversary of his death. Sometimes you feel like you're the only one who remembers the baby you lost, so having people remember those important dates shows that he was a part of other people's lives as well. Even 2 years later, I had several friends and family members remember the anniversary of the day we lost Levi. So, so awesome.

I just have to say that I don't hold it against anybody who has said or done any of the "bad" things. My sole purpose of this post is to give people insight from a person who has lost a precious baby. It can be a very sensitive topic and I feel obligated to share my thoughts with others! Thanks for being understanding :)

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