It's also frustrating to think about how I was able to play a 90-minute soccer game last summer, and now I get out of breath walking from the living room to the kitchen. Not only is it frustrating to be in possibly the worst shape of my life, it's frustrating to think about how you're supposed to prepare and be in shape for childbirth, and I can't do that. Because I can't exercise. I'm practicing the whole relaxation thing, but I don't know how far that will get me if I end up being in labor for 20+ hours.
I'm sorry if it seems like I'm venting. I just need to get this out!
A priest friend pointed out to me yesterday it all goes back to abandonment to Divine Providence. And what God is calling me to do right now is to take care of myself and my baby. I never thought about it that way before, and although it seems like a pretty simple thing to do, some days it really feels like a form of suffering. And I feel silly even saying that, because sitting on your butt all day doesn't seem like it'd be suffering. But oh, how I would LOVE to run around the block right now. Or even just go shopping or something. [And before you say I can always ride one of those motorized scooters around a store, let me just tell you that I did that at Target. I ran into everything and couldn't reach anything and the little "beep beep beep" when I backed up was totally obnoxious. Although a very humbling experience, it's not something I want to try again. ;)]
I do have to say that I am very, very thankful that I at least get to stay home instead of being stuck on bed rest in the hospital. I should put a big sign in our living room saying "YOU COULD ALWAYS BE IN THE HOSPITAL" for whenever I feel like complaining. It's all about perspective, I suppose.
On a completely random note, it is a miracle that we've now made it to 26 weeks - yayyy - because after doing our taxes this weekend, I seriously thought the stress would put me in labor. But alas, Landon is still in my belly, and I am still figuring out a way not to go stir crazy at home. Two things for which I am grateful (well, I'm still working on the latter...).
"We are at his disposal. If he wants us to be sick in bed, if he wants us to proclaim his word in the street, if he wants us to clean the toilets all day, that’s all right, everything is all right. We must say, 'I belong to you. You can do whatever you like.' This is our strength and this is the joy of the Lord." - Blessed Mother Teresa