"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Ramblings from a melancholic

My personality and bed rest just don't go together. Seriously. While I certainly enjoy having more time to read, I do not enjoy having all the time in the world to look up new recipes and projects to do and then realize I can't do them. Because 1) that requires effort, and I'm supposed to be resting, 2) I can't wander around a store looking for ingredients/supplies. I am so that person who has to always be doing something, and I'm still having to train myself to do the complete opposite. Eh. [I live by to-do lists, and sadly enough, I still make them - and then just get frustrated when I realize I can't finish everything on the list. Yes, I'm a productivity nerd.]

It's also frustrating to think about how I was able to play a 90-minute soccer game last summer, and now I get out of breath walking from the living room to the kitchen. Not only is it frustrating to be in possibly the worst shape of my life, it's frustrating to think about how you're supposed to prepare and be in shape for childbirth, and I can't do that. Because I can't exercise. I'm practicing the whole relaxation thing, but I don't know how far that will get me if I end up being in labor for 20+ hours.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm venting. I just need to get this out!

A priest friend pointed out to me yesterday it all goes back to abandonment to Divine Providence. And what God is calling me to do right now is to take care of myself and my baby. I never thought about it that way before, and although it seems like a pretty simple thing to do, some days it really feels like a form of suffering. And I feel silly even saying that, because sitting on your butt all day doesn't seem like it'd be suffering. But oh, how I would LOVE to run around the block right now. Or even just go shopping or something. [And before you say I can always ride one of those motorized scooters around a store, let me just tell you that I did that at Target. I ran into everything and couldn't reach anything and the little "beep beep beep" when I backed up was totally obnoxious. Although a very humbling experience, it's not something I want to try again. ;)]

I do have to say that I am very, very thankful that I at least get to stay home instead of being stuck on bed rest in the hospital. I should put a big sign in our living room saying "YOU COULD ALWAYS BE IN THE HOSPITAL" for whenever I feel like complaining. It's all about perspective, I suppose.

On a completely random note, it is a miracle that we've now made it to 26 weeks - yayyy - because after doing our taxes this weekend, I seriously thought the stress would put me in labor. But alas, Landon is still in my belly, and I am still figuring out a way not to go stir crazy at home. Two things for which I am grateful (well, I'm still working on the latter...).

"We are at his disposal. If he wants us to be sick in bed, if he wants us to proclaim his word in the street, if he wants us to clean the toilets all day, that’s all right, everything is all right. We must say, 'I belong to you. You can do whatever you like.' This is our strength and this is the joy of the Lord." - Blessed Mother Teresa

4 comments:

  1. Learn to knit! You can make blankets, dish cloths, cute diaper covers, socks, scarves, and so much more!  It is so productive and rewarding say all of my knitting firends.

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  2. I've definitely thought about that...but that still requires me to go to the store to get knitting supplies, and Logan doesn't like me going places. I actually had a coworker that had offered to teach me before I stopped working(oh, I should have taken her up on it!). Maybe I can borrow supplies from someone or something....

    Congrats on Jonah, by the way! I had commented on your post but when I looked the next day it wasn't there. Too bad we don't live closer so our little boys can play!

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  3. Jen, youtube it. You just need yarn, a basic needle, and instruction. Knitting and crocheting can be addicting. I did it way more before Hart was born.

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  4. Y'all are definitely talking me into it!

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