"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Saturday, April 28, 2012

The pressure is on! Pun intended.

All week, I've been feeling more pressure on my cervix. I know Landon is getting bigger, so of course I'm going to be feeling more weight. But sometimes I'm not so sure if what I'm feeling is normal with a cerclage - or if I should call my doctor. It's like a daily debate I have in my head.

On Thursday, I was trying to get my Procardia refilled since I realized I was going to run out over the weekend. To make a long story short, Thursday I wasn't able to contact either one of my doctors, and it took me all day yesterday to finally get things straight. And I was just a little stressed, thinking how ridiculous the whole process was and that if I didn't get that dang medicine before the offices closed, I'd be screwed. Because you know, Procardia is the medicine I take for my contractions.

Throughout the whole crazy prescription episode, I had also left a message for Dr. H, explaining how I was feeling more pressure. Logan really wanted me to call, and to be honest, I started getting a little paranoid about something happening over the weekend. So I decided to put a call in just to be safe.

Well. I don't know exactly what happened, but Dr. H or a nurse never called me back about the "feeling more pressure" issue. My guess is that that part of the message got lost with the Procardia nonsense, because seriously...Dr. H is like really, really good about responding to my messages. He always calls me back instead of having the nurse call.

It was a frustrating day, to say the least, and Logan even wanted me to stop telling him the whole story because he was getting just as frustrated as I was. :) But I guess the good news is that I did get more Procardia. Let's just hope I make it to Tuesday, when I have my next appointment.

This week, I've been really, really good when it comes to staying off my feet. Seriously. And so it's quite annoying to still be feeling all the pressure I've been feeling.

Oh, I wish I knew how much longer it'll be until Landon comes.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

New hobbies are very humbling (at least for me)

Thankfully, the last couple of days were much better than Monday. I'm still pretty uncomfortable most of the time, but that just comes with the 3rd trimester. Speaking of that, when I realized we made it to 32 weeks, I almost couldn't believe it - because honestly for awhile there we didn't think we would make it this far. But here we are! God is good.

Like I shared last month, crocheting is my new hobby. And like any new endeavor, I've had a couple flops (or should I just say lessons learned?). Being the ambitious - and bored - person I am, I decided to go big and make a baby blanket. It surprisingly was going pretty well until I came across this humongous knot that neither Logan or I could undo. So I was forced to cut the yarn and stop. Which means Marley has a blanket now. Ha! I didn't like the color anyway, so I guess I can't be too disappointed. ;)
I started another baby blanket as soon as Logan bought me some [prettier] yarn, and made sure to roll the yarn into a ball this time so I knew there were no knots. Somehow the blanket ended up being really, really long (I guess I crocheted too loosely?), and I realized there wasn't going to be enough yarn to make it long enough going the other way. I was ready to undo the whole thing and start over, but Logan wouldn't let me. Eh.
Now I think I'll put the blanket on hold and work on something smaller. The good news is that I have plenty of time to experiment! :)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Some days are worse than others

Even though my doctors didn't say I should lie down 24-7, I've been lying down a lot the past week. Logan feels better when I do, so I'm trying to make my dear hubby happy. :) (Plus I have everybody else telling me to put my feet up. Seriously. Everybody.)

Today I felt like I was suffocating most of the time (new symptom for me!) and of course it's worse when I lie down. So I'm not exactly sure what to do, since breathing is pretty important...but I also know that lying down will help keep the pressure off my cervix. Sigh. What's a pregnant gal to do?

I also had this moment today where my cerclage stitch suddenly hurt a lot, which kind of freaked me out. That was probably the first time where it was more painful than just uncomfortable. Thankfully, though, it only lasted a minute.

And of course some days I still have a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions, and today was one of them. So today was not a good day overall. :( I don't go back to the doctor until next week, and I really wish they would have started weekly visits by now. Oh well...

The good news of the day is that my sister had her baby today! Since she's far away, I obviously can't go visit, but thanks to technology, I got to see my cute nephew via Face Time on my phone. And now it makes me very anxious for my turn! I'm so ready to meet Landon.

Needless to say, the contractions, pain, and trouble breathing are not exactly helping the situation. I know I could still have several more weeks to wait! Let's just hope not too many more days are like today...otherwise I will lose my mind.

Okay, enough complaining. ;)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Week 31 - So close...yet so far...

You know, I was getting really excited this weekend about getting close to that 34-week mark. I even started making a to-do list of things I want to accomplish before Landon is born (because yes, I am a to-do list type of gal). So much for that, though...

My doctor appointments were this morning, and I was a little worried because last night I started feeling my stitch, as weird as that may sound. I've felt it before every now and then, but this time the feeling never went away. It was just really uncomfortable. Thankfully I was already going in first thing this morning - otherwise I would have called Dr. H.

Dr. C's ultrasound showed that my cervix was even more open, so she told me to rest more. She said the part of my cervix that was closed looked good, though. However, she seemed to think that if that last stitch goes, I'd dilate a lot more. Yikes.

Dr. H checked me and said my cervix was starting to soften and thin out. I think that made him change his mind about me doing "whatever I want" at 34 weeks, because he doesn't want me to go to a good friend's wedding in the middle of May- despite me being 34 weeks by then (good thing I spent $200 on a bridesmaid dress! Sigh. But that was right after I found out I was pregnant...before the drama began) :( This whole bed rest thing has made me miss quite a few parties and events. But I'm trying to remember the bigger picture here! So hard sometimes.

Landon is doing just great, though, and is moving like a little acrobat. Which is totally reassuring...even when he keeps me up at 4am! He's now 3 lb 10 oz. Praise God.

I have to say I'm pretty frustrated about my limitations, even more so now, because there were some things I was really hoping to get done before our life gets busy with a newborn - like some major cleaning and cooking (to freeze meals for postpartum life). But now I'll just have to fight that ever-growing nesting instinct, even if I get to 34 weeks. Because I really want Landon to stay put for as long as possible, despite me being SO ready to meet him!

I'm totally open to having visitors. And I would love you forever if you brought me food. Just saying. :)

Here's to another 3 weeks of laziness! Oy vey.

"Jesus' holiest act was not when He was doing but when He was being done unto."

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

You don't have to say it - I know we're nuts

I know it's been a few months since I've talked about foster care and Bamm Bamm and Peanut. But that doesn't mean we don't think about it or the little kids we took care of.

Just like I mentioned last time, Bamm Bamm's family still sends pictures of him - usually every week or two. I also have a video of him walking! We talked about scheduling a visit, but it just hasn't happened yet. Somehow our weekends get so busy (which is so weird, since I do NOTHING during the week usually). Hopefully we'll get to see Bamm Bamm before Landon arrives.

Yesterday, our home development worker called to see how I was doing - last time she checked in was right before Christmas, so I had just gotten off bed rest the first time. Let me just say, I love our worker, because she still thinks about us and checks in despite her crazy schedule. Plus, she shares our faith, which is totally cool.

So anyway. She called to check in and wasn't surprised at all to hear that I hadn't been working. Ha. I took the opportunity to ask about Peanut, and she had actually seen him a couple weeks ago. (Let me also just say that I think it's awesome how it worked out that she's also the home development worker for Peanut's current foster family - otherwise we probably wouldn't get any updates. God is good like that!) In her words: "He's still the same little boy that left you!" Which meant that he is still biting children at daycare. It sounds like he's with very patient foster parents though (totally not Logan and me!), and they research stuff and keep on top of him at home.

Our worker told me that Logan and I were the ones that calmed him down in the first place so he was able to go into another family. That surprised me, because there are still moments where I wonder if we did enough. But she really thinks it was us and our structure that is making it possible for Peanut to be doing so well with this new family. And that was just a neat little bit of affirmation for us - that we did our part, even if it didn't feel like much at the time. Thank you, Jesus.

I've been thinking about Peanut a lot lately, because many of the books I'm reading talk about a baby's development and stress the importance of the first 3 years of life - how vital it is for a baby to have a stable home with a loving mother and father. Well, Peanut didn't have that, and it's quite obvious that it will cause him problems for the rest of his life. Totally heart-breaking.

While we're on the topic, the whole fostering thing has actually been on my mind lately. It sounds crazy, I know - we're expecting a baby in the next couple of months, and I'm thinking about whether or not we'll foster any other children in the future. Well. Logan and I have talked about it off and on, and as of now we're still wanting to do it. We have decided that we will only take babies, since our patience level hit an all-time low with Peanut, and I'm also very concerned about having a destructive toddler again around Landon (or other future children, hopefully!). Because seriously, I would not have felt comfortable having Peanut - with his unpredictable behavior - around our baby on a daily basis. And at least with a baby we'd hopefully have more time to instill some positive behavior. :)

Of course, we're still several months away from the whole fostering thing. But right now our crazy selves are still keeping that door wide open!

Monday, April 9, 2012

We are blessed

Logan and I had a really nice weekend. On Saturday, the weather was so beautiful that we spent most of the day outside - I sat reading on our porch while he did yard work. It's days like those that make me realllllly wish Landon was here already. It wasn't hard to imagine him right next to us!

And of course yesterday we spent most of the day visiting Logan's family since they all live nearby. I can't believe it's Easter season already! Lent just flew by, despite me being stuck at home for the most part. Thankfully. ;)

As enjoyable as Saturday was, I have to say that I had way more Braxton-Hicks contractions than I had in awhile. I wasn't doing anything more strenuous, I was drinking plenty water, and I actually ate really well (which isn't always the case, sadly enough - my appetite isn't where it should be). So I'm not exactly sure what the deal was. I do remember Dr. H telling me way back when that Procardia has a tendency to stop working after awhile, and that they have patients stop taking it awhile to let their bodies adjust or whatever - then they start taking it again. Maybe that's part of the problem, and maybe not, but thankfully yesterday I hardly had any contractions. It's so weird how each day is completely different. 

Tomorrow makes 30 weeks! Yayyyy.
Psalm 118:1 - Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, his mercy endures forever.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Week 29

Landon is now 3 lb 5 oz! That seems really big to me, so maybe the ultrasound was a bit off. Either way, though, Landon is growing well...and that's a good thing!

Dr. C said my cervix looks about the same, baby is growing well, and that I should keep doing what I'm doing.

Dr. H seemed surprised at how big Landon is, and said now our problem is that I'm running out of room! Ha. My belly does seem rather large for still having over 2 months to go, but I guess you can blame my lack of height on that. After looking at my last ultrasound, Dr. H thinks my cervix is short (we want it to be as long as possible), but that it seems to be holding. I think we can attribute that to all of the prayers we've been getting. You all are awesome :)

Once I get to 34-35 weeks, Dr. H said I can do whatever I want. And that makes me very happy! He also said that when he takes the stitches out (at 37 weeks, if we get there), 1 of 2 things will happen: either my cervix will dilate right away, or it won't do anything and I'll make it to term. Now wouldn't that be something? Making it to my due date after all of this. That seems like a long time from now, but I know Landon would be better off.

My next appointments are in 2 weeks. We're so thankful things are going so well!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Baby shower!

Here are a few pictures from my baby shower last weekend!
 That glider is already coming in handy. :)
 I had a lot of help opening gifts, as you can see. Sad thing is, I was still exhausted at the end of it. 
I just had to include this picture because Max obviously caught on to everyone saying "awww" when I was opening cute baby clothes, so he grabbed a handful and exclaimed, "Awwww!" So cute!
I don't remember what was happening at this point, but I like how we're all smiling - and how Dominic is trying to grab his mommy's face. :)
 Landon's wonderful grandmothers! Maybe it's just me, but I think I look so darn tired at this point (maybe because I was!). 
 My wonderful hostesses! They did a great job. :)
Can't wait to meet our baby!

Tomorrow I go back to see both doctors. We're getting close to that 30-week mark!


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