"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, July 25, 2013

A birthday rambling

When I was in high school (before Logan and I dated), I had pretty much decided I wouldn't date anyone else until college. I just assumed that God would reveal my future spouse to me later (if he didn't call me to religious life, that is). I had a plan that I would become a nurse at age 22, and if I got married, it wouldn't be until I was 25 - that way I could work for a few years and save up money. Then I would be married for a couple years before I started having children when I was 27 years old.

It's all pretty funny to think about how I had my life planned out back then, because almost none of it happened the way I expected. Today I turn 27! Yes, I did become a nurse when I was 22 years old, but I married Logan just a few months after that.

We thought it'd be difficult getting pregnant, but little Levi was conceived less than 2 months later.

After we lost him (the biggest shocker of my life), I honestly thought we would get pregnant again soon after. [Enter laughter here]

A year and a half after Dr. H gave the go-ahead to get pregnant again (we had to wait at least 3 months), we finally were blessed again with those 2 little blue lines. But that was after many, many tears and several "oh my goodness what if I never have another baby?!" moments. And let's not forget the foster care fun! You should really go back and read some posts from 2011 when we had Peanut....hours of entertainment, I tell you.

If you had told me I was going to lose a baby, foster 2 kids, and endure a pregnancy full of bed rest and doctor visits, allllll in our first 3 years of marriage, I would have laughed and said, "Yeah right!" That's just not the sort of stuff you're thinking about when you walk down the aisle to marry your high school sweetheart. Not at all!

But alas, if it's one thing that God teaches me over and over again is that He knows best and that I need to unite my will with His. Easier said than done, of course. And as I celebrate my 27th birthday (OMG WHEN DID I GET SO OLD?), I'm finally realizing that life is actually easier and less stressful when I just give everything to God and say, "Here you go. You know what's best for me!"

On Sunday, I had a moment in mass where I suddenly realized that everything I've prayed for, truly prayed for, has happened. Logan and Landon are proof! It was definitely one of those God moments full of grace that I will look back on and remember when the going gets tough.

God really does give us the desires of our hearts, and He really does answer our prayers....just not always in our timing or in the way that we expect. But perhaps it's better that way! Keeps us trusting, and keeps us praying. 

Matthew 21:22 - Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive.

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