"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Levi's Story: Part 3

Read the first 2 parts here. This 3rd part makes me cry every time I read it. Just saying.

Sometime after the catheter was inserted, I started feeling like I need to use the bathroom. I know it didn’t make sense, because the catheter was draining my bladder. But there was no doubt that an urge to urinate was there. One of the nurses came in to check my IV, and I told her, “I feel like I need to pee.” She explained that that’s what the catheter was for, and I said, “I know, but I really feel like I need to pee.” It brought back memories of a time when I worked as a nurse in a hospital and one of my patients – who had a catheter in – kept insisting that she needed to use the bathroom. I could not make her understand that the catheter was doing that job for her. And here I was, a few months later, on the other end of the conversation. I knew I sounded crazy - just like my former patient - but I really felt like I needed to use the bathroom. The nurse just repeated herself about the catheter and left the room.

A few minutes later, I felt a huge urge to urinate. I tried to resist it, but then I realized that the catheter could be in the wrong place. Logan checked the catheter bag to see if it was empty. It wasn’t, so the catheter was indeed in the right place. So why did I keep feeling the urge to push? I decided not to fight it anymore since the urge obviously was not going away. I really didn’t expect anything to come out, but liquid came gushing out – as well as something else. I panicked, not knowing what I just pushed out. I asked Logan to check, so he pulled back the sheets. “What is it?” I asked. Logan didn’t seem to know what to say. After suggesting that it looked like blood, he said, “Uhhh…I’m going to get a nurse.” He left the room. A million thoughts rushed through my head – Did I just deliver my son? How big is he? What do I do now?

One of the nurses returned with Logan to check things out. She said it was a blood clot but didn’t say why it had happened. After cleaning me up, she left. I was still having contractions at this point, so I continued to moan in pain every so often (I don’t think Logan was able to get any sleep, poor thing).

It wasn’t too much longer until I felt another urge to push something out. So I did. This time it was bigger. Once again, I wondered if I just delivered my son. Since I wasn’t supposed to move, Logan pulled back the sheets to see. It was another blood clot. The nurses came back in to clean me up, while I lay there helplessly. I didn’t know what was going on. Why was I passing clots? Was Levi going to come out next?

I don’t remember how many times it happened (neither does Logan), but I continued to pass blood clots until my doctor arrived, sometime after 7 a.m. Dr. H stood next to the bed, looked at me, and said, “Well, this is like a bad dream, huh?” I couldn’t help but laugh, because it’s exactly what I was thinking. The nurses were in the room while he checked my cervix. I remember him checking things out and saying immediately that we had to deliver the baby. Logan told me later on that Dr. H had actually pulled down one of Levi’s little feet. So naturally, an immediate delivery was necessary.

I was wheeled into another room where there were several people waiting. Since I was still having contractions, I was still moaning every few minutes (I’m sure everyone thought I was a crazy person). A lady asked me if I wanted my husband there, and I told her yes. I remember lying down and having a few nurses take off my jewelry and get me ready to push. They didn’t let Logan come in after all (we’re both still mad about that), so one of the nurses squeezed my hands as Dr. H encouraged me to push. Levi’s legs and bottom half came out, so they prepared me to push a second time. One of the nurses counted to 3, and I pushed again. I heard a popping sensation and knew Levi’s head was out.

It was 7:37 a.m. After a second, Dr. H announced, “There’s no heartbeat.” I broke down and started crying. He handed Levi’s body over to a couple of nurses. As Dr. H waited for the placenta to come out, I turned my head to try to see Levi, but all I could see was a nurse listening with a stethoscope, probably trying to hear a heartbeat. A minute later, Dr. H instructed to someone behind me, “Let’s put her out.” He wanted to perform a D & C to make sure the entire placenta was out. It was almost a good thing in a way, since they had to put me under anesthesia and I was no longer distraught about just losing my son. I lay there crying until I was out.

To be continued (on Saturday)


  1. The blood clot thing is intriguing...so many questions come to mind: Weren't the docs/nurses concerned about why it kept happening or what it would mean for you and Levi? It also angers me that Logan wasn't allowed in the room; what a poor, poor example of quality health care (it should always be about the whole person, not just their physical health). I can't imagine... <3

  2. (sigh) No words. Lots of love your way.

  3. I'm assuming they didn't let Logan in because they figured Levi wasn't going to make it. No way to know for sure, though. Maybe it was a miscommunication between a couple of the employees, because it seemed like they were going to let him come in at first.

    A lot of the details are fuzzy to me, but I'm not so sure what all could have been done about the blood clots. It seemed like things were pretty inevitable at that point, considering my water was already broken. And I suppose it was a good thing that my body was ridding itself of the clots...

  4. I'm just so glad your doctor continued the investigation and was able to make some progress with getting Landon here safe and sound. :)


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