I have restarted this post like a million times so forgive me if it doesn't make sense. Can I blame it on pregnancy brain this early?
It is super easy to think about both of my previous pregnancies and start freaking out...for different reasons, of course. I know every woman who has been pregnant worries about having an early miscarriage, and I am no exception. I've worried about it every time. But I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control, and like Logan says, "No matter what happens, we will still have a baby." Even if this baby doesn't make it past the first trimester, or the unthinkable happens like with Levi, it doesn't change the fact that we have 3 babies now.
Three babies! Can you believe it? I certainly cannot. You would think that the feelings associated with each pregnancy are the same, and while the unexplainable joy has certainly happened each time, there have been distinct feelings as well.
With Levi, we were so thrilled about starting a family, and I remember not knowing what to expect. Being pregnant for the first time is certainly something I cannot put into words. You're so excited but so freaked out all at the same time.
Then with Landon, we were beyond excited, especially after trying for awhile. But of course, we were also really nervous about the possibility of losing another baby.
And now with this new baby, it's so exciting to think about Landon having a baby brother or sister. And after having to get a cerclage and be on bed rest and all of that last time around, it's almost like I'm holding my breath, just waiting for it to happen again. But I'm also hoping that this pregnancy won't be nearly as stressful as last time....and yet I can't help but think of the possibility of it being even more stressful.
So, yeah. It's easy to let my mind get carried away with all kinds of crazy thoughts. And to think I'm only 5 weeks along (if that, I'm not sure exactly) makes me freak out just a little bit.
Whew. Welcome to the mind of Jen. ;)
Oh! My first appointment with Dr. H is the week after Thanksgiving. In case you were wondering. :)
"Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them." – Elisabeth Elliot