"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, December 29, 2013

4 years later

I know I post on Levi's special day every year (or the day after), and this year I felt a little silly for the first time. I mean, I'll probably post something every year while I have this blog, because he is our son and we love him and miss him and still wish he were with us on earth.

But for the first time, after 4 years, I can honestly say that's it not as hard to think about him.

One year after losing Levi, it was obviously the hardest, being so fresh and also not having been able to get pregnant again.

Two years after, I was pregnant with Landon, so it was a little bit easier. But it was also hard (and so scary!) knowing that the same thing could happen again. I had already been on strict bed rest for 2 weeks and gotten a cerclage, and it was uncertain how the rest of the pregnancy would go.

Last year, we finally had Landon (who was 6 months old then), and although I was expecting it to be easy, I found myself mourning the fact that we didn't get to see Levi grow up. Having Landon made us realize just how much of a blessing children really are.

And now this year, Landon is almost 19 months old and it's been the best 19 months ever. No, it hasn't been a walk in the park (is it ever?!), but honestly, I did not expect to enjoy parenthood this much. And now that we're blessed with another baby in my belly (so soon after! so unexpected!), I can't help but feel that our time of mourning has ended. I know it's totally possible that we might lose this baby too, but I guess you can say I have more trust in the fact that if that were to happen, it is part of God's will and He will no doubt use that.

Yes, we will always be a little sad on December 29, and we will forever miss our little guy, but I still rest in the peace that we will see him again one day. In the meantime, we will continue to ask our prayer warrior for his daily intercession. Truly, that is one of greatest blessings of such a big loss - we now have a little saint in heaven who is praying for our family and friends often. Praise be to God.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, pray for us! (It makes me so happy that today happens to be the Feast of the Holy Family!)

"And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful." -Colossians 3:15

Friday, December 27, 2013

Photo Friday: Christmas edition

I left the room to take care of a dirty diaper and he helps himself to some crackers.
Post-nap hair
Left these guys for a minute and they help themselves to a snack. Feeding it to each other and everything. I really need to stop leaving food around...
We went to a birthday party and Landon was worn out when we got home. He didn't even mind that I put him on the living room floor!
We spend most of our time these days hanging out on the futon. Darn nausea.
Landon has unfortunately figured out how to undress himself. He took his shirt off 3 times and his pants once. Thankfully, though, it appears that it was a one-day thing. Whew.
Christmas Eve! Logan made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.
He shoved an entire pancake in his mouth
Christmas Day! I surprised the guys with some donuts since I don't ever buy them
Our Christmas present to Landon was a basketball goal! He loves it :)
The guys spent the morning playing with new toys.
Meanwhile, this needy dog was cuddling with me on the futon.
About to go to Noanie and Paw Paw's house for lunch!
My phone takes sucky pictures sometimes and I don't feel like getting the good one off my camera, soooo...yeah. Christmas Day family picture!
Paw Paw took this tired boy for a wagon ride...
...and he couldn't resist a nap. So sweet. 

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas!

Praying you all have a joyful Christmas! Especially those who are mourning the loss of a loved one.

"They were overjoyed at seeing the star, and on entering the house they saw the child with Mary his mother. They prostrated themselves and did him homage. Then they opened their treasures and offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh." - Matthew 2:10-11

Friday, December 20, 2013

Photo Friday: Landon and Marley, best buds

I bundled him up all nice and cute last Friday just to realize it was no longer cold outside. Awesome.
These two...

This big baby made her way onto my lap when I was playing with Landon. She knows she's getting dethroned again.

We were watching a movie and little guy couldn't hang.

Logan rigged up a nice "gate" around our tree. (Totally know Landon's pajamas don't match. And that it's not morning in this picture. That's how we roll these days.)
Can I just say I love the moments where he sits and plays with a toy for like 10 minutes?

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Week 8: "normal pregnancy"

Our upside down baby

Our right side up baby (once the tech switched to an abdominal ultrasound). Looks a little bit like a sea creature but that's okay :)

So. Baby looks good, had a strong heartbeat at 172 bpm, and is actually measuring at 8w6d. Which is 4 days bigger than it should be if we're going by my last period. Because of that and the fact that I'm not completely sure of when I ovulated, Dr. H still hasn't given me a due date. He said we will just average everything next time around. So, unofficially, this baby is due between July 24-28. Let's just say the end of July. Maybe on my birthday!

Based on the ultrasound, Dr. H said it looks like a "normal pregnancy." Yay. The ultrasound tech checked my cervix and it looks good right now! Whew. Dr. H wasn't going to send me to Dr. C until the 2nd trimester, but then I reminded him that it was at 11 weeks last time that I was on bed rest until they put in the cerclage. So I'm going to see her in 3 weeks. Hopefully my cervix will still be good then. Dr. H said it's possible that the last cerclage scarred up my cervix (which could help it staying shut), but there's just no way to know if that's happened.

And in case you were wondering, the nausea and vomiting is still going strong. Seriously, if one thing is going to stop me from having many more children, it's not going to be bed rest, a cerclage, or a c-section. It will be the darn morning sickness - that lasts all day. Sigh.

But all is well! Baby is healthy and my cervix is cooperating so far! :)

Sunday, December 15, 2013

7 Quick Takes (vol.11)

I know it's technically 7 Quick Takes Friday but it's Sunday and that's how I roll. At least this week.
I would just like to inform everybody that I am taking the lazy route this year and not sending out Christmas cards. I really want to send them out, because I love getting them in the mail, but it's just not going to happen this year. I had good intentions around Thanksgiving, but we didn't have any decent family pictures without pumpkins and weird people in the background... and we didn't decide on when/where/who to take a new one. And now we're 10 days from Christmas and all I want to do most days is lay down and try not to throw up. Sorry :(

On the bright side, Logan and I decided we will make the effort to send out cards next year because we will have a new baby! God-willing, of course.
Logan's parents gave Landon an early Christmas gift, and it's a big hit! Thanks Noanie and Paw Paw!

Did I ever mention how we turned our study into a playroom? Best decision ever.
Dr. C (high-risk OB) takes my new insurance! Yay! I was pretty worried about it, so...whew.

Also, the expensive supplement I have to take - in addition to my prenatal - now comes in a generic form! Which means we save $60 or so. At least. Yeahhh. I see Dr. H on Wednesday!
I don't remember where I heard about this book (maybe another blog? my pregnancy brain fails me), but it sounded like just what I needed to give my spiritual life a kick in the pants. It's called Small Steps for Catholic Moms: Your Daily Call to Think, Pray, and Act

And it's exactly what it sounds like. One page per day of the year (easy, right?) and each page has a quote from a saint, a prayer, and a task (for lack of a better word). I'm loving it, and since it follows along with the calendar year, the December pages tend to be Advent-related. Win-win.

Totally not being paid to say this, by the way. Just a recommendation from yours truly. :)
This morning I had the opportunity to go to mass by myself (Logan was working and Landon had slept over at Noanie and Paw Paw's for the first time!), which hasn't happened in a reallllly long time. And yeah. It was super nice. But of course I was too distracted by the other toddlers who were being cute and talkative and it kind of made me wish Landon was with me. But kinda not. ;)
Speaking of Landon, I wish we had a baby translator for him because this kid just talks and talks and we don't know what he's saying. He knows what he's saying, of course, but we're just ready for him to start making sense.

But then I babysit my 5-year old nephew who asks all kinds of questions and it makes me wonder if I really want Landon to be able to talk right now. So mentally exhausting, I tell you.
All I want for Christmas is this (joking. kind of). Gots the protein I need and since drinks/smoothies go down a lot easier than food these days...it's my new fave.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Photo Friday: cousins, cuddles, and craziness

This little boy was loving on my friend Katie last week. It's like he knew she needed it!

One of my wonderful former coworkers brought this to me this week. So, so perfect. She told me to put it on and not take it off, and that's what I've done!
Well, Landon did steal it for a few minutes. Little booger nose.
Marley cannot stand the nerf gun. And Landon knows it.
He stayed like this for almost an hour. Love love love.
These boys are crazy. Yep.

Landon likes to grab my phone or camera, put it in front of his face, and say "cheeeeese."
He thought this was a comfortable way to watch Daniel Tiger (how did I not know about this show before now?!). Yes, his pajamas don't match. Don't hate.
I'm telling you, both Landon and Marley have been super cuddly lately. I'm loving it. 

Monday, December 9, 2013

Morning sickness, I could do without you

I had every intention of posting 7 Quick Takes this weekend buuuuut that didn't happen. So here are just a couple of random things going on in my brain...

I wrote down this quote years ago:
"If you suffer, thank God! It is a sure sign that you are alive." -Elbert Hubbard
And if I had to rewrite it just a little bit for my current state I would change it to this:
"If you throw up, thank God! It is a sure sign that you are pregnant." -Jen 
On a more serious note, though, the whole morning sickness is really the worst. I hate throwing up, I hate not feeling like eating anything, and I hate the fact that I can't eat what my baby needs right now.

But, I know this won't last (assuming it goes like my last 2 pregnancies), so sorry if I complain for the next 2-3 months. I'll try not to, because hello! I have a baby inside me! :)

One of my favorite blogs is House Unseen. A Catholic momma, Dwija, with 5 living children who is pretty darn entertaining. Seriously, she's one of those people I would love to meet in person. Well, this summer she lost a baby boy at 21 weeks along in her pregnancy. They found out at 15 weeks that there was no fluid around the baby, but he survived for several more weeks. I can't imagine how she felt during that time, not knowing how much longer her baby would be with her.

Dwija wrote this post last week about discerning pregnancy after losing a baby (she's pregnant again!). And I just loved it. You should read it. I remember not being sure if I wanted to get pregnant again after Levi, because the thought of experiencing that pain again was unbearable.

It still is scary to think we could experience another loss, and I wish I could explain why I don't worry about it as much as I did, but I can't. Because I don't know why. Guess God is helping me out in that department.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Photo Friday: big boy stuff

Make yourself comfortable, Landon.
He has entered the hiding phase.
Making a pile of leaves with his big cousin

Waiting at the doctor to check on his baby sibling!
Y'all. Landon has gotten into the habit of cutting his nap short and then falling back asleep on me. But I just can't resist it!

Please pray for my friends as they bury their loved ones today.
St. Nicholas, pray for us!


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