"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Week 15: I may lose my mind

Last night I started writing about how I'm going to lose my mind by the end of this pregnancy, but I didn't finish it because I'm so darn tired all the time and I knew I'd be posting an update today after my appointment. And if you think that means I will spare you from my crazy talk, well…think again. ;)

If you've been following our blog for awhile, you know that being pregnant with Landon was not the easiest at times. And I'm having a lot of the same thoughts and feelings this time around with Chase (eek, I love that we can call him by name now!) …

The whole not-being-able-to-do-much thing is hard, as I learned last time. But with an active 20-month old, it just brings things to a whole new level. He's been especially challenging lately, and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that we don't go many places anymore. I can't just take him for a stroll around the block like I used to. So yeah, that's hard. I know Landon gets bored! [We dropped him off at a friend's house during my appointment this morning and he didn't miss us one bit! He's definitely happier when we leave the house.]

So, in addition to that, I feel like my body is just not handling this pregnancy that well. Yes, my cervix is fine, and Chase is good (heard his heartbeat this morning!). But I'm feeling so much pressure and a bit of tensing in my uterus and even the occasional cramping. Plus I feel my stitch poking me a lot. It's not fun. I have this fear that I'm going to end up in the hospital this time, despite me staying off my feet as much as possible (which really is close to impossible with a toddler and Logan's crazy work schedule). There were a few moments this weekend where I cried (darn hormones) because I'm not even halfway to my due date, and I'm already losing my mind,  and I really, really don't want anything to happen to Chase and the thought of losing him is just too much to bear sometimes.

And I know everything may end up totally fine and I'm praying that's what happens. And I know I just need to pray more and worry less. Working on it.

Dr. H wants me to take oral progesterone to help with contractions until I see Dr. C on Thursday, and he wants me to ask her about getting those lovely progesterone shots. I was given medicine (Indocin, for you inquiring minds - if you google it totally add "during pregnancy") after my cerclage to take for 2 days to help with relaxing my uterus, and I realized today that I didn't start feeling my uterus go crazy until the day after I stopped the medicine. Soooo I'm hoping to see a difference with the progesterone.

I asked Dr. H if baby Chase was low, because I seriously have not had to pee this much in previous pregnancies and he definitely feels lower. Dr. H did say the baby seems lower. So that adds to my nervousness about keeping him in as long as possible.

And if you want a little bit of humor, I told Dr. H that I may lose my mind by the end of this, and this was his response: "I predict we will have 8 babies by the end of it."

Which made me laugh because I don't think my mind and body can handle that many more pregnancies. Babies, yes (think adoption)…pregnancies, not so much. But that is a post for another day. Probably after Chase arrives because I just really want to get through this pregnancy first.


  1. Amy @ AllForHeavensSakeFebruary 24, 2014 at 11:38 PM

    praying for you! your family is beautiful and I am glad I found your blog through Jens 7 post link up! God bless you all

  2. Thank you so much! I'm loving the link-up too :)

    Just jumped over to your blog and OH MY your kids are adorable! Congrats on the new one!


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