"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, April 13, 2014

…..Holy Week

This has to be the quickest Lent ever. Right?

It will definitely be one to remember, with all the ups and downs with this pregnancy. But I have to say, this past week, I've been pretty good. As far as emotional well-being and all goes. And I guess you could say I've had a good week with the pregnancy, other than my cerclage stitch occasionally feeling like it's ripping out (it sounds bad, I know, but I don't know how else to explain it). I've been having more Braxton-Hicks contractions, but no cramping. Whew. So I'm not too worried yet. [Seriously, if I called my doctor for what most normal pregnant women are supposed to call for, I'd be calling him wayyyy too much.]

So. I came across a blog a few days ago and basically started stalking the last few months of this woman's life because her pregnancy seemed eerily similar to mine - excess amniotic fluid, uncertainty about the baby's GI tract, etc. Her baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, which we fortunately had ruled out with that blood test in January, but it's still been really nice to read about someone else dealing with a rough pregnancy. Her peace of mind about everything was inspiring.

And then as I was reading through my list of regularly read blogs, one of them had a post about an organization that does surgeries for kids with cleft lip and palate.

I also recently starting talking more to a childhood friend, and after she heard about our doctor's appointment last week, she asked if my doctors mentioned cleft - turns out her husband had it when he was a baby. 

God really does put the right people in your life at the right time, which is pretty cool. I'm just a bit nervous about all these "signs" I've been getting lately. I'm not freaking out just yet, because Chase might be fine…but seriously. I wish I could just KNOW if anything is wrong with Chase and what exactly will be the problem. Because honestly, I'm sick of the back and forth…

"Your baby has a thick neck. That means he could have a chromosomal abnormality."

"Blood test came back negative. No Trisomy 13, 18, or 21 (Downs)"

"Your baby looks good. There's still a 50% chance he could have a chromosomal disorder though."

"Your placenta looks old. And there's a tiny hole in your baby's heart."

"You have way too much amniotic fluid. Something could be wrong your baby's mouth or stomach. Or you could be diabetic. Oh, and your placenta still looks old."

"You're not diabetic! But that means something could be wrong with your baby."

"There isn't anything wrong with your baby's heart!"

Yeah. Paraphrasing and all but you get the idea. My pregnancies are hard enough with having to get a cerclage, having a million contractions, and not being able to do much. So all of this other nonsense is enough to make a girl CRAZY.

I feel like I need to be prepared for my appointment on Thursday because I'm afraid I'm going to get "the news." You know, the news that something definitely is wrong with Chase.

And then part of me thinks that it'll be another one of those "Oh, your baby looks good, no worries" appointments. Which would be great, of course, but seriously, can we stop with the false alarms?

So yeah. It's Holy Week. No better time for it, I suppose! Jesus went through hell (literally) for us so everything we're going through now is pretty minuscule in the big picture.

"Go forth in peace, for you have followed the good road. Go forth without fear, for he who created you has made you holy, has always protected you, and loves you as a mother. Blessed be you, my God, for having created me." - St. Clare of Assisi

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