"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Beware of the snake

I had a meeting one night last week, and initially, I was going to leave both boys at home with Logan. But then he made plans with friends to go eat dinner and watch the New Orleans Pelicans (basketball) game, since a win would mean a playoff run. So I took Chase with me to my meeting and Logan was going to drop off Landon with my sister-in-law, Lindsey, on his way to dinner.

The weather was bad, so I wanted to leave early to allow plenty of time to drive slowly and pick up dinner for both Chase and myself on the way (I was going out of town the next day so we didn't have much food in the house). Logan insisted I let the weather pass, so I waited (very reluctantly), and by the time Logan said I could leave, the route I had planned to take was backed up with traffic – which I knew because of the maps app on my iPhone (does anyone else check that before they leave? It's so neat.). So I took a different route, thinking it would be better. It was about 4:45.

To make a long story short (because I do have a point to this), I met frustration after frustration – rude drivers, terrible traffic, hard rain, and nowhere to stop for food. I felt completely stuck, and to make things worse, I had a pounding headache. I was also completely mad at Logan for not letting me leave earlier. Because surely my evening would have gone perfectly had I been able to leave earlier, right? (I'm ridiculous sometimes. I know.)

The actual meeting itself was fine, aside from still having a headache, but the way home also led to more frustration, including a train that stopped traffic for 15 minutes while Chase was very fussy (which is totally not usual for him).

I picked up food – finally – and then picked up Landon. By the time I got home, it was almost 10pm and both boys were wide awake. Which never happens because my kids can never resist falling asleep in the car.

Logan got home 5 minutes after I put the boys to bed, and by that point I was aggravated, exhausted, and just wanted to go to bed. And possibly cry. Which was not ideal since it was Logan's and my last night together before my trip. Plus I still had some packing to do.

I told Logan I really wanted to talk about my evening but somehow he did not understand, which made me even more annoyed.

So we both sat in bed, awkward silence and all. It could have gone two ways, really: 1) just call it a night and go to bed stewing in my frustration, or 2) talk it out, however difficult it might be, and end on a positive note.

Obviously, the latter is what should have appealed to me, since I didn't want to go out of town with hard feelings hanging over us. But man, it would have been so easy to just go to bed. Easier than talking, for sure.

I really wish I had the words to explain it well, but let me tell you, I have never in my life experienced such a battle between good and evil in my head. I felt the devil taunting me, to just hold on to my anger and blame Logan for my rough night. After all, he didn't let me leave when I wanted to! Which led to having to take a different route and not having dinner until 8:30 and having to deal with a fussy baby who was also hungry. Not to mention the fact that Logan got to have a fun night with friends.

But then I also felt God prompting me to just talk to Logan honestly, to let go of my pride, and make things right. I wasn't being fair to blame Logan for my rough night. Yes, I had a right to be frustrated, but there was no point in making him the bad guy. He's my other half and deserves better than that.

So I had a choice. Thankfully, God sent me some extra graces at that moment, and I was able to convey to Logan what I was feeling. And the Holy Spirit just really spoke through Logan then, because he said how we need to be aware of when the devil is trying to ruin this good life we have going right now. It's so, so true.

At that moment I remembered a dream I had a few days before which I had forgotten to tell Logan. In that dream, a snake bit me. Twice.
The snake at the zoo was looking for a way to escape. Not cool.
I've never actually been bitten by a snake before. I stay far away from them, because they are the worst creatures on the planet and I always, always associate them with the devil (don't try to convince me otherwise). So when I woke up from this particular dream, I was a little freaked out and wondered if that was a warning, in a sense, that the devil was going to be all up in my business.

I told Logan about the dream as soon as he mentioned the devil, and then I just laughed. Because really, why had I not seen it before? I knew I was being ridiculous. I knew I was holding onto my anger, I knew in the big picture that there were worse things in life than what I had just gone through. Yet I was still so angry the entire evening. Of course the devil was involved. He likes to creep in, almost invisible - just like a snake -making us harbor hard feelings against those we love most. Too sly, that devil.

But because it led to a really great conversation between Logan and me, and we knew we had defeated evil in that moment, I don't regret everything that happened that day. It was as if I could feel evil leave the room as soon as we made things right. I hope I never forget that feeling – the triumph of good over evil.

Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12

3 comments:

  1. I would have been more than HAPPY to watch both of those Angels.

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  2. What a great comparison. I think the devil is in the details. Not just the saying, but in life. He slithers just beneath all the big stuff so you barely see him. Sneaky...

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  3. Yes, you're so right! He's in the details. Way too sneaky!

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