"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Friday, June 12, 2015

What you're actually saying "yes" to

It was 6 years ago today that Logan and I held hands and vowed to love each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. And I knew that day that those words were SO important, and I meant them with all my heart. I even knew that there would probably be a lot of bad times, and I still said yes to a life with Logan.

But damn...I didn't exactly realize what I was saying yes to!

There was a point in our marriage, probably a couple years in, that I honestly didn't know if I would have still gotten married if I knew ahead of time everything that Logan and I would have to deal with as a couple.

So many things can happen - pregnancy loss, job loss, infertility, infidelity, death of a spouse, death of a child, financial struggles, difficult family relationships, the list goes on and on. Yes, we can go through the best marital preparation program on the planet, but nothing - NOTHING - can adequately prepare us for what's to come.

{Side note: The couple we met with for marriage prep used to tell us that we would be teaching marriage prep one day. And that makes me LOL every time I think about it. Because, um, Logan and I are 100% a work in progress. That just goes to show you don't know what you're getting into!}

I used to think, in my days of discerning my vocation, that once I decided whether God was calling me to the religious life or married life (since those were the two I felt drawn to, but there's single life too!), everything would be fine. I would be able to handle whatever because at least I would know I was where I needed to be.

[insert laughter here]

[insert more laughter]

Right.

God changed that mindset REALLY quickly as I held my stillborn son 6 months into marriage.

I can honestly say though, 6 years into this marriage gig, that I wouldn't trade it for anything. This life with Logan, full of ups and downs, is the life that will hopefully get me to Heaven. It's refining me, day by day, year by year. Looking back I see that now.

One of my very dear friends delivered her miscarried baby boy this morning. Another of my good friends experienced the same thing with her twins last summer. It's moments like these that I'm shaken to the core and wonder WHY THE HECK we have to experience such tragedies.

What people don't talk about at a wedding is that you're not only saying "yes" to a life full of love - you're also saying "yes" to heartbreak and loss. Life isn't perfect.

But I also know that God carries us through the bad times, and it's also because of those bad times that we cherish the good times. And the beauty of marriage is that you have someone to experience all of that with, and I know from experience that you can choose to let those bad times tear you apart...or bring you closer together. I choose the latter.

Happy anniversary, babe! I love you more than ever.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!

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