"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Confession, conviction, and hopefully less yelling

I've been in such a funk lately. And I'm not even sure why exactly – yes, I'm soooo tired, and yes, I feel like my kids are nuts most days, and yes, I'm frustrated about the fact that I just can't take said crazy kids for a walk to make less them less crazy because then I'll probably just start having a ridiculous amount of contractions.

But despite all that, I've managed to keep up with laundry AND keep the house relatively clean, and Logan has been such a huge help with dishes and co-planning meals. Life isn't terrible, by any means...I've just felt “off.” Way too much yelling at everybody and everything. Like, a lot of yelling.

Thankfully, I was given the unexpected opportunity to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation (AKA confession) yesterday. A visiting priest was in the confessional, and he suggested I find the source of my anger. Why was I so frustrated and yelling so much? “Maybe there's a reason you're yelling so much. Maybe there's something you're not communicating to your husband. Maybe the problem is with you.”

Ouch. Can you feel the sting of conviction? I certainly did.

And I know it sounds really harsh but Father wasn't being mean. I know the Holy Spirit was speaking through him because I've been feeling gentle nudges in the midst of my funk this past week. 

Put down your phone and pay attention to your kids. You won't get so frustrated with them if you weren't so distracted.

Use this time you're stuck on the couch to spend time with your kids. It's a privilege.

Stop reading your own book and read a book to your kids.These days are fleeting.

And so on. I know I've let in too many distractions lately, and I know I've been blaming everybody else as the cause for my yelling. But really, there are things that I could be doing differently. There always is. 

So I suppose it's only appropriate that Logan is at work for the rest of this beautiful Mother's Day *sob*. It's the perfect opportunity to focus on my boys, spend the rest of my day with them, and remember that I am so incredibly blessed to have them. 

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