"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Friday, May 13, 2016

When God feels distant

One of the things I love about the rosary is that there is always at least one mystery that seems to resonate more with my life at any given time. Right now, for me, it's the Ascension. How appropriate.

I cannot imagine how the disciples felt to have Jesus back from the dead, only to see Him drift away on a cloud. I couldn't help but think my response would probably be along the lines of: “Really, Jesus?? Leaving us again already? But we couldn't handle it the first time! We need you!”

But I'm guessing that the disciples likely had more faith than me, and they probably knew that Jesus would only leave them if they would be better off in the long run.

I wonder what the disciples were feeling when they were waiting for the Holy Spirit to come on Pentecost. Jesus said they would receive power from the Holy Spirit (see Acts, chapter 1) and to not do anything until they received that power (see Luke, chapter 24).

I don't know about you, but I'd be feeling pretty nervous about what that “power” was going to look like. But again, the disciples probably handled the situation better than I would have.

The past couple of weeks, I've been feeling so out of sorts. There have been so many ridiculous things happen – small things, mind you, in the big picture of life – that all together have made life feel a tad bit overwhelming. Add to that pregnancy hormones and third trimester exhaustion (are you tired of me saying that? sorryyy), and, well, you've got a big ol' mess named Jen.

The previous 3 months were pretty dang nice, too. I've never been able to say that in the middle of a pregnancy (and I'm definitely thankful for that precious time). Lent was also SO fruitful, in so many ways. It just seems like I was growing a lot, in many areas, and now I'm suddenly at a standstill. It feels like I'm being stretched in more ways than I want to be right now, and I know that's just life sometimes - but it doesn't make it any easier.

I don't really know where I was going with this...other than perhaps I'm getting a glimpse into what the disciples were feeling like in those precious days between the Ascension and Pentecost. They knew something big was coming, and they didn't exactly know what it would look like. But when it came, it was awesome.

I know God is working through this time when He feels so distant. I do. He's done it before and I know He's going to do it again.

Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your faithful and kindle in them the fire of Your Love.

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