"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Changing tides {day 22)

Five months before our wedding, Logan and I decided to see the same priest for confession so he could hold us accountable in regards to purity. It was getting harder and harder the closer we got to our vows, which of course is totally normal.

One night, we had a really good night together - we watched a movie, read some of a book together, and talked. Normally a night like that would end with us kissing just a little too passionately, as we were very ready to be husband and wife. But this particular night, Logan told me that he wasn’t going to make out with me. Instead, he kissed me sweetly and whispered a bunch of things (all of which I do not remember, but I’m sure they were sweet!) as he looked at me with so much love in his eyes.

I nearly cried. I could truly feel Logan’s love for me, and I could tell that as Logan grew in his love for God, he grew in his love for me as well. I felt so incredibly lucky.

Fast forward a few years, the beginning of this year actually, to when we had three young boys, ages 4 and under. The vehicle Logan drove to work had stranded him on the Interstate - for the second time in two months. So we spent over $200 on a rental car for him to drive because I needed our family van to bring our oldest to preschool every day. Our teething baby would not stop screaming unless someone was holding him (and sometimes not even then), our toddler and preschooler seemed to have endless reserves of energy, Logan’s patience level was close to nonexistent, and I was not getting much sleep. I felt so spent, Logan felt so unloved, and oh, the money we had been saving up for a fence - so our energetic boys could run outside with reckless abandon - might need to be used to purchase another vehicle.

Needless to say, when Logan looked at me during that ridiculous time, I did not feel the love that I had felt 8 years before. Nope.

Thankfully, God provided as our vehicle was able to fixed for less than we had anticipated, and we ended up replacing that vehicle once we found a too-good-to-be-true deal on a used SUV. Plus, we were blessed over the next couple of months with a lot of free materials to turn our backyard into the perfect place for our boys.

In the moment, though, when the world seems to be against you - it feels like it will never let up. Even though hard times are usually temporary, it’s not always easy to remember that. Just like the tides had changed from that romantic evening during our engagement to our overwhelmed family of five, the tides are constantly changing. The key is to ride out the waves together until the water calms down again.

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