"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Just take out the garbage please {day 14}

Even though Logan is great at surprises, he is not good at taking out the garbage. He will have spurts where he kind of stays on top of it, but for the most part, he forgets and/or procrastinates on both emptying the trash cans in the house and bringing the outside trash can to the curb. Plus, he has this pet peeve about putting bigger items (think cereal boxes, empty cartons, etc.) in the garbage can, so he leaves those bigger items on our counter until he empties the garbage can in the kitchen.

Because he tends to procrastinate, what usually ends up happening is our kitchen trash can is overflowing and our counters are covered with bigger trash items - and Logan still waits to take out the garbage. I don’t understand it at all. It is not that hard to empty the trash can or walk a couple items to the outside garbage can. But for some reason, Logan just cannot handle it….which of course I find extremely frustrating.

After years of being resentful about how terrible Logan is at taking out the garbage, though, and learning that nagging him does not help whatsoever, I just take out the garbage myself if I need to.

Some might think that’s enabling Logan’s ridiculousness, and you would be right if I still continued to nag him about it. But instead, I just take out the garbage without telling Logan anything. I consider it more of a sacrifice that I’m doing because I love him. I don’t want to nag him or grow resentful, so I (try to) do it out love. He obviously hates taking out the garbage, and I don’t think it’s a big deal, so just doing it myself is better for both of us.

Let me be clear - I do not always succeed at taking out the garbage out of love for Logan. Sometimes I have to really stifle those resentful thoughts. I have proof in my journals about every year or so that I’ve had to recommit to just taking the garbage out myself instead of nagging Logan about it (and yes, I realize how silly that sounds). But as the years go by, I’m realizing that the more I do small things that I consider a sacrifice, the easier they become.

What’s even better is that Logan tends to notice when I do chores around the house that usually I expect him to do. So when he sees me taking out the garbage, or giving the kids a bath, he turns around and starts washing dishes in appreciation. It’s a win-win.

Logan and I have also realized just how much smoother things go if we work together and part of that is learning which chores one of us prefers over the other.

Since I already explained how Logan isn’t good at taking out the garbage, I should admit that I’m pretty terrible at meal planning. Just like Logan and the garbage, I’ll have spurts where I’m on top of meals and cooking and all is well. And there are other times where I’m just so overwhelmed and realizing at 5pm that I hadn’t even thought about what we will eat for dinner.

So Logan helps me out a lot. He’s usually really good at thinking about something new to eat or something we haven’t had in awhile, or a way to use leftovers. And during the phases of life where it’s really hard for me to spend an hour in the kitchen cooking - I’m looking at you, pregnancy, or whenever I have a ridiculously fussy baby at my feet - having Logan team up with me is a huge help. We often plan our meals for the week together, and usually half of them are meals that Logan is able to start or do completely on his own if needed. It’s actually worked out really well lately, because I’ll be helping Landon with his homework (while holding a fussy baby, ugh) while Logan can start fixing dinner if I haven’t already.

I know some people think that certain responsibilities should be gender-specific - like men should take out the garbage and women should cook - but I think it’s more important to work together that benefits your specific family the best. Obviously, this will look differently for everybody.

Many of my friends' husbands handle their family’s finances. While I would love for Logan to have that responsibility too, it makes the most sense for me to do it because I tend to do better with numbers. Logan said from the beginning, way back when we were engaged, that he really wanted me to handle our finances, and while I used to be really annoyed with that - because gosh, budgeting can be so stressful - now I know that everybody has things they are good at. Those husbands that handle the finances might never ever vacuum or mop floors. Logan, on the other hand, is very good at cleaning our floors and does it when I’m having a hard time making it a priority. (Like, um, when I decide to blog every day for a month.)

The point is, figure out how best you and your spouse work together, and of course involve your kids if they’re old enough. Each marriage and family looks different than the next, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The important thing is to work together and maximize your abilities!

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