"When a soul recognises the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances." - Rev. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Lent and how my priorities suck (but there is hope)

Whew, Lent just really felt different this year from the very beginning. Yesterday, I was so humbled (and frazzled, to be honest) with how many times I went to check my phone, grab a piece of candy, turn on the TV, etc....just to realize I was not supposed to be doing those things. (To clarify, fasting from screens is not a requirement, just something we choose to do on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, at least.)

Fasting is so, so enlightening. It made me realize just how many disordered attachments I have and that was just in the first 6 hours of Lent. At one point, I was contemplating why fasting was feeling so dang hard, and it hit me - this is the first Lent in 7 years that I'm not pregnant or nursing. No wonder it felt so hard - it's been forever!

So that got me thinking. (Here we go, another Jen train of thought! #thoughtsbyjen) It's obviously much easier to be consistent with something. Praying my daily Rosary doesn't feel hard at all anymore because I've been doing it everyday for 3 years now. And it honestly doesn't feel that long at all, yet I don't remember a time that I didn't pray a daily Rosary. It's kind of mind-boggling, really.

Am I making any sense? Meh.

The things that are easy to me are the things I've been really consistent with over the last couple of years - I don't fall (too far) behind on dishes and laundry because I make them a priority. It's not hard finding snippets of time to pray a Rosary because I make it a priority.

I guess I'm trying to just make a point that if there's something really important you know you should be doing and you struggle with doing it, ask yourself: am I doing it consistently? What am I doing instead of the thing I should be doing? How can I make this important thing happen?

I'm just really struggling with fitting in time for writing and being consistent with running. (And cleaning my shower, and mopping my floors...but maybe I shouldn't admit that.) I know I should do these things, and I even want to do them, but I still find it very hard to make time for them because they're not things that have been a priority consistently for the last few years. (Thanks in part to pregnancy - but also laziness, if I'm honest.)

Because I gotta be honest, some days it feels really hard to fit anything else in other than prayer, dishes, and laundry (in addition to eating and taking care of the kiddos, of course). But then I have a day (Ash Wednesday) where I impose rules on myself, like no TV, just checking social media/email twice a day, and focusing on spiritual reading as opposed to "fun" reading, and I'm amazed that I can do dishes, laundry, prayer, and reading - in addition to some decluttering and rearranging furniture because I am that kind of crazy. (And cleaning up puke, because God is funny.)

Obviously my priorities are not right most days. So I think that's what I'm going to focus on this Lent - how does God want me to use my time? What do I need to stop doing (or do less) and what do I need to start doing (or do more)? Hopefully I'll be able to report back with some amazing insights.

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